


My Demons

by HeavenWontTakeMeBack



Series: Demons [1]
Category: Supernatural, Supernatural AU
Genre: Depressed Sam, F/M, Luci is actually a sweetheart, M/M, Minor Character Death, More characters to be added, More tags later, Paranoid Sam, Past Michael/Lucifer - Freeform, Protective Dean, Samifer - Freeform, Smut, lotsssssss of smut, mostly a samifer but destiel pops up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-20
Updated: 2017-05-21
Packaged: 2018-04-27 06:44:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 32,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5037907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeavenWontTakeMeBack/pseuds/HeavenWontTakeMeBack
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam Winchester is tired of the good girls and guys. He's dated plenty, he's lost every single one. When his most recent girlfriend, Jessica, dies in a fire, Sam can't cope. He meets Lucifer Milton and gets a bad boy vibe from him.</p><p>He's tired of good. He wants bad. </p><p>But to his surprise, Lucifer isn't as bad as he appears.</p><p>Sam wants him anyway.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Sam Winchester sat silently at the bar, completely ignoring the drink that the bartender had sat in front of him. He stared numbly at the TV, not even registering when someone sat down beside him. 

"Sam, you don't have to make yourself leave the house every night," his older brother, Dean, told him quietly, "you know that Cas and I don't mind having you there."

"You deserve to spend time alone with each other," Sam said, his voice flat, "you shouldn't have to spend every hour of every day worrying about me." 

"I do that anyways, Sammy. No matter where you are. C'mon, Cas is worried," Dean got up to leave. 

"I'll come home later." Sam didn't look at him. 

"Sam..."

"Go home, Dean. Go home and fuck Cas. The worst that's going to happen is I fail at finding someone to have a one night stand with." 

"You can't live like this forever, Jess wouldn't..."

"Leave Jessica out of this, Dean!" It was the first sign of emotion that Sam had expressed in weeks. "I don't want to talk about her! I don't want to think about her!" 

"The fire wasn't your-"

"STOP IT!" Sam shouted, lunging out of his chair toward his brother. Dean held his hands up in surrender, and a firm hand closed around his wrist. 

"Sam," Castiel's older brother, Michael, had a hold of him. He owned the bar with his wife, Hannah. "Go home, Dean. I'll keep an eye on him." 

Dean retreated and Michael released him. 

"It's been almost a month, Sam," Michael's tone was surprisingly gentle. He wasn't a harsh man, but he was never really open with anyone but his family. Sam assumed that he might as well be considered that now; Dean and Castiel had been together for nearly three years.

Michael was still talking. "You can lash out every time someone says her name. Balth is still working on his degree, but you know you could talk-"

"I don't need to talk to anyone," Sam mumbled, turning to walk away from him, "I just need to block it out." 

"Alcohol and sex is not the way to go, Sam," Michael called after him. Sam kept walking. 

He passed a group of guys playing pool as he walked toward the back door. He needed some air. 

He didn't hear the door open behind him. He whirled around when a hand touched his shoulder, his fist pulled back. 

"Hey now!" The man held his hands up and took a step back. "Are you alright?" The man had dirty blonde hair and gave off a vibe that intrigued Sam. Not bad, but not all good either. 

"You don't look like the type who worries about other people," Sam said wearily. 

"I don't know if I should be offended or amused," the man said, a hint of a smirk playing about his lips. He pulled a cigarette pack out of his jacket pocket and considered it. 

"You look like you could use one," he said, holding the pack out to him. Sam shook his head dumbly.

"I don't...I don't smoke."

"Me either. This jacket is my buddy's. I just grabbed it off of the table." Sam relaxed slightly. 

"Was that guy you went off on bothering you?"

"Dean? No. He's my brother. He...it's complicated, I don't want to talk about it." 

"Fair enough," the man said. "Lucifer Milton. You can call me Luce, if that offends you." 

"What kind of parents name their child after the devil?" Sam asked, the alcohol in his system making him forget his manners that he hadn't been using the last few weeks anyways. 

"Listen, before Lucifer was the devil, he was God's favorite angel. Don't hate. What'd you get stuck with?" 

"Sam."

"Such a plain name. But it rolls of the tongue. Saaaam," Lucifer exaggerated the 'a.' "Are you drunk?" 

"About half," Sam said honestly. Lucifer laughed, and it was not a look that he expected to look so natural on the man's face. 

"We could get out of here before you do something stupid," Lucifer opened the door to the bar. "If you want." 

Sam found himself nodding.

~X.x.X~

He didn't know who started it or when they got there, but the next thing he registered was Lucifer pressing him hard into a mattress and kissing him in a way that he'd never been kissed. Sam was grabbing him back, giving it just as good as he got. 

"You're so drunk," Lucifer murmured against his lips. "For some reason I can't make myself take advantage of you." 

"I want you to take advantage of me," Sam breathed, pulling Lucifer closer. "I need you to do it." 

"What are you trying to forget?" Lucifer asked softly, but he started kissing Sam again. 

"You're supposed to be bad," Sam rambled as Lucifer began to slowly unbutton his shirt. "You look bad." 

"Everyone is a little bad sometimes," Lucifer said quietly, pushing his shirt off of his shoulders. "You're really drunk, Sam. Are you sure about this?" 

"I'm really sure." 

"I don't want you to regret this."

"It's a one night stand, Lucifer, why do you care if I regret it or not?"

"Well, if I ever run into you again, I'd rather that you didn't try to beat the shit out of me for having sex with you while you were shitfaced." 

"You were so cocky in the alley." Sam grumbled, pulling at his shirt. "What changed?"

"You never know who might be listening." 

"What are you hiding from?" Sam slurred, trying to get Lucifer to start kissing him again. 

"I don't want to talk about it," Lucifer murmured, before he complied and started kissing him again. 

~X.x.X~

Sam stirred awake to a face hovering over his and a hand resting gently on his face. 

"Jess...?" He mumbled sleepily, leaning his face into the hand. 

"No, sorry," a man's quiet voice answered. It all came flooding back and Sam didn't feel so drunk anymore. 

"Why are you crying?" Lucifer asked softly. Sam bit his lip and shook his head, squeezing his eyes closed. 

"If it's because you think we had sex, we didn't. You fell asleep and I let you be." 

"That's not it," Sam said. 

"I didn't think it was, but I thought I'd say it anyways," Lucifer sat up, rubbing sleep from his eyes. 

"Lucifer?" Sam's hand darted out and grabbed his wrist. Lucifer turned to look at him, raising an eyebrow. Sam hesitated before pulling Lucifer back down with him and into a kiss. Lucifer froze for a moment before he began to kiss him back. 

"I don't want to think," Sam whispered, "make me forget."

"How?" 

"Fuck me," Sam breathed. Lucifer regarded him for a second before nodding slowly. 

Everything blurred until Lucifer was pushing inside him, his fingers digging into Sam's thighs. Sam's legs were clumsily wrapped around his hips and his hands were tangled in the sheets. Sam hissed softly as Lucifer moved his hands to rest beside his. He lowered his body down slowly until he was covering Sam's with his own. He braced himself on his knees and began to move, slowly at first, then a little rougher. Sam couldn't keep quiet, strangled gasps bursting from his throat as his hand came up to tangle in Lucifer's hair. Lucifer was moaning softly again his throat, his pace becoming clumsy for a moment before quickening and getting rougher. 

"Fuck," Sam gasped. A low moan burst from his throat as Lucifer groaned and snapped his hips forward harder. 

"Sam," Lucifer's breath was hot on his ear. Sam turned his head toward his, kissing him clumsily as more noises that he would never normally make fought their way from his throat. 

"Does that feel good?" Lucifer asked, pushing himself up and leaning back on his knees. This changed the angle, and it seemed like Lucifer was fucking him even harder. Sam arched his back, his hips moving on their own. Lucifer caught him around the waist and pulled him up so that he was straddling Lucifer's waist. Lucifer's hands guided him up and down on his cock as Sam tried to get a good grip on him. 

It was only a matter of seconds before Lucifer was pressing him into the bed again. 

"Shit, shit, shit," Sam threw his head back, "fuck...oh fuck." His back arched again and he was falling, tumbling so hard over the edge that his vision went white. He felt Lucifer slump down on top of him and he blindly searched for Lucifer's mouth, his fingers digging into his back. Lucifer groaned his name softly into his mouth. Sam couldn't explain the small noises that came from his mouth as he fumbled to kiss him. Lucifer was laughing quietly at him when he opened his eyes and his vision was clear. Sam couldn't speak. A breathless sigh fell from his lips as Lucifer began to kiss down his neck. 

"I've never made someone cum so hard without touching them," Lucifer murmured. Sam trembled beneath him as he kissed down his stomach, running his tongue along his cock once before he got out of bed. 

Sam gasped again, closing his eyes. A warm cloth was running gently over his stomach and he heard Lucifer throw the condom into the trash can before an arm was curling gently around his waist. 

"Didn't peg you for a cuddler," he commented, his voice still a little breathy. Lucifer smiled a little.

"Aren't I just full of surprises?"

Sam surprised himself by kissing Lucifer again.


	2. Chapter 2

It was still early enough when Sam returned to Dean's house that he hoped he could just sneak in and go back to bed. His hopes were crushed when Cas corned him at the door.

"Sam," Castiel sounded tired, and he looked it. A pang of guilt hit Sam before he shoved it away and pretended that he never felt it.

"Cas," Sam crossed his arms over his chest. He had a decent amount of height on Cas, but the man could be intimidating when he wanted to be.

"This needs to end," Castiel said, "you're worrying Dean. And me." His face softened when he said Dean's name. It always did.

"You know, Castiel, I'm happy that you call me out on my shit. Everybody else treats me like I'm going to fall apart if they say the wrong word." He began to inch away.

Cas didn't miss a beat.

"Because you do fall apart when someone says the wrong word, Sam!"

"Stop worrying, Cas. Dean does enough of it for both of you," Sam actually walked away this time. The dish towel in Castiel's hand hit him in the back of the head.

"You're my family, too, you dumbass!" Castiel shouted. Sam froze involuntarily, but Castiel seemed to take it as getting through to him.

"Just stay home tonight," Castiel pleaded. "Just one night."

"You'll say that to me again tomorrow," Sam started walking toward the stairs again.

"Sam-"

"I'll see you when you get home from work."

"Sam!" Sam slipped into his room and shut the door. He leaned his head against it for a minute before turning around and shrugging out of his coat. He froze at the sight of Dean sprawled out on his bed, his arm tucked under his pillow and his legs going every where. It reminded Sam so much of when they were kids and he would have to wake Dean up for school. That was the only time that Sam ever acted like the older brother. Sam sighed and changed into a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt before curling up beside his brother and shutting his eyes. He could give Dean this, at least. He didn't want to think anymore.

~X.x.X~

_The smoke was choking him. He was pulling Jess down the hallway behind him, his hand gripping hers tightly. He didn't hear part of the ceiling give in, he just felt Jessica shove him forward and away from her._

_"Sam, go! I'll find another way out!" Jess shouted._

_"I'm not leaving you!" Sam shouted back over the roar of the flames._

_"Sam, you have to go now!" Jess turned to run._

_"I love you, Jess!" He found himself shouting after her._

_"And I love you," she smiled at him despite the flames surrounding them even more._

_"I'll find you." Sam burst through the front door as the entire roof collapsed. He stumbled into the front yard._

_"Jess! Jess?!" He yelled for her, his voice sounding raw even to him. The fire department was there already, and strong hands were pulling him away from the house._

_"You have to get her out," Sam babbled, "you have to save Jess."_

_They didn't save her. Sam felt his world begin to crash down around him and his legs gave out from under him...._

The screams were ripping from his throat when he sat up. Hands grabbed his shoulders and someone was shouting his name... He registered Dean's voice and he slumped forward, letting Dean crush him in a hug. Times like these were the only times that Sam would let his brother comfort him. He kept his face smashed against Dean's shoulder and his hands twisted in Dean's shirt.

"I got you," Dean was murmuring, "it's okay, Sammy..." Sam was shaking his head and his breathing was coming out in strangled gasps.

"You have to breathe, Sam."

"I'm...trying...!" Sam forced out. Dean was releasing him and a little a cup of water was being held to his lips. He drank it down greedily, his throat raw from screaming. It gave him something to focus on.

"How bad?" Dean asked softly once his breathing finally calmed.

"Bad," was all Sam mumbled, letting his head fall back onto Dean's shoulder.

Dean didn't say another word.

~X.x.X~

The peace didn't last long. Sam had tried to slip out unnoticed. It wasn't a secret that he was leaving, but he didn't want Cas and Dean to make a big deal out of it. Dean hadn't shouted at him in years like he did when he saw him leaving.

Sam couldn't even remember what exactly had been said, but he clearly remembered Dean's fist connecting with his face and Castiel shouting Dean's name before yanking him away. He remembered all the anger vanishing from Dean's face and he reached out to him, a guilty expression on his face now, and Sam was struggling with the doorknob and fleeing. He ran. He didn't have a clue where he was going.

Time blanked for him again and he was sitting on the floor outside of someone's apartment. He slumped against the door, a wave of dizziness taking over. The door opened and he almost fell over completely.

"Sam?" He was outside of Lucifer's apartment? He slowly lifted his head.

"Oh my God." Lucifer was crouching down next to him and touching his face.

"What the hell happened to you?" Sam opened his mouth to answer, but all that came out was a sob.

"Come on, come on," Lucifer was helping him up and pulling him inside his apartment. Sam cooperated as best as he could.

"Whoever hit you got you good," Lucifer murmured after settling him at the little table in the kitchen. He disappeared before returning with a warm cloth. He began to dab gently around his nose. Sam flinched.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Lucifer kept saying over and over while he tried to clean him up. Sam could feel the tears running down his face and he couldn't explain why they were there, but he didn't dare open his mouth to address it.

"Talk to me," Lucifer murmured. Sam shook his head.

"Okay, fine. At least let me answer your phone. It's going nuts." Sam didn't respond, but Lucifer took his phone from the pocket of his hoodie and answered it anyways.

"Hello? No, I am obviously not Sam. I think his nose is broken. Why are you swearing so much? Oh. I can ask," Lucifer pulled the phone away from his ear, "it's your brother. Would you like to talk to him?" Sam shook his head no. "He said no," Lucifer said after raising the phone back up to his ear, "well maybe you shouldn't of hit him and he would want to talk to you. No, I am not telling you my name. Bye."

Lucifer hung up and tossed Sam's phone on the table. Sam glanced at it before looking up at Lucifer again.

"Wanna tell me what's going on?" Lucifer was raising an eyebrow at him, but his tone was gentle.

"He's mad at me," Sam mumbled.

"I figured that. Why?" Lucifer pressed.

"Why does it matter?" Sam lay his cheek on the table, closing his eyes. His head hurt.

"It doesn't, but how did you end up here?"

"I don't know," Sam said honestly, his voice muffled a little from his cheek being pressed to the table. "I just kept running."

"Better you came here then, I guess. You could've ended up anywhere." Lucifer seemed to be talking to himself though, so Sam didn't say anything.

"I slept until noon today, but I'm so tired," Sam finally grumbled, making himself sit up. The tears had stopped and so had his bleeding nose.

"Side effect of depression," Lucifer said. He offered him a hand. Sam took it, a confused look on his face.

"I never expected to see you again, honestly," Lucifer said, "but I'm not going to turn you away. Come on."

Sam let him lead him back to his room. He awkwardly glanced around while Lucifer rifled through his dresser.

"She's pretty," Sam murmured, gesturing to a picture of Lucifer and a girl with pretty red hair. Lucifer looked over his shoulder to see what Sam was pointing at.

"That's Anna. She's my sister," Lucifer smiled faintly.

"You don't look alike," Sam noted.

"Nope. I'm adopted," Lucifer laughed a little, and tossed a pair of sweatpants at Sam. "These might be more comfortable."

Sam hadn't registered that Lucifer was only wearing a pair of pajama pants until right then. "Oh. I, uhm..." "I wasn't sleeping," Lucifer laughed for real this time.

Sam decided that he liked seeing him laugh.

"I was planning on movie marathoning. You can join me, obviously."

"Okay." Sam changed while Lucifer set up the movie. They settled beside each other on Lucifer's bed. They didn't watch more than ten minutes of the movie before Sam was turning his head and finding Lucifer's mouth. Lucifer hummed, letting Sam pull him until he was straddling Sam's lap.

"I'm trying to be careful of your nose," Lucifer breathed when their heated kisses slowed down. Sam reached up to touch his face.

"It's okay," Sam breathed back. He was pulling Lucifer back in. He didn't know who started the grinding, but Lucifer's hips were rolling down to meet his and creating a delicious friction that Sam wanted more of. He was practically swallowing the soft noises coming from Lucifer's throat.

"This wasn't part of the plan," Lucifer mumbled when Sam flipped them so that he was pressing Lucifer into the bed.

"Do you want to stop?" Sam breathed.

"No," Lucifer admitted with a little shake of his head. He ran his fingers through Sam's hair when Sam started to kiss him again. Sam moved them again so that they were curled around each other on their sides. Lucifer's kisses became slower and more infrequent until they stopped all together. Sam kissed the corner of his mouth softly before pulling away and opening his eyes. Lucifer's eyes were still shut and his breathing had evened out. His head was pillowed on Sam's arm and his hand was beginning to fall from Sam's hip. Sam felt a smile form on his face, a rare thing since Jess died that Lucifer would have loved to see, as he watched him sleep.

His eyes fluttered shut not long after and his sleep was, thankfully, dreamless.


	3. Chapter 3

When Sam stirred awake the next morning, he was alone in Lucifer's apartment. Lucifer had somehow managed to get him under the blankets and all tucked in before he had left. There was a note on the nightstand with his name sloppily written on the top. 

"Sam,  
Had to leave for work.

I understand what it's like, not wanting to go home. If you can't bring yourself to face your brother, feel free to just stay here all day and keep yourself out of trouble. 

I don't know you, but I'd like to, and you need to be alive for that to happen. 

If you're planning on staying, I'll be home by four. If you're not, I'll see you around, and hopefully that happens under better circumstances. 

Not that I regret last night, of course. Well, aside from falling asleep on you. I am sorry about that.

-Lucifer"

It was such a Jess-like move. 

Sam clutched the note in his hand and shoved his face back into the pillow. 

~X.x.X~

"You're still here?" Lucifer's voice startled Sam enough that he jumped. "Sorry." 

Sam just nodded, turning his gaze back to the TV. He felt Lucifer's eyes on him for a few moments before Lucifer unbuttoned his shirt and wiggled out of it.

"Where do you work?" Sam asked softly, his voice hoarse from not being used. 

"I'm a waiter at a cafe downtown. It's not much, but it pays the rent and helps me put payments toward my college loans. Yes, I went to college," Lucifer said when Sam raised an eyebrow, "I have a degree in education. I could teach English to high school students if I could find a damn opening." 

"I have a degree in accounting," Sam murmured. "I wanted to do law, but when I did an internship my sophomore year I saw how shady it could get. I didn't like it, so I switched." 

"Where do you work?" Lucifer asked. 

"I haven't worked since-" Sam stopped. 

"Since...?" Lucifer prodded gently. 

"The fire."

"...oh. Ah, I'm sorry." 

"S'okay. I don't like to talk about it," Sam mumbled. He wouldn't look at Lucifer.

"...are you hungry? I can make something." 

Sam shook his head no. 

"Are you eating properly?" There was a strange tone to Lucifer's voice. 

Sam shrugged. "I eat when I know it'll stay down." 

"I could make grilled cheese," Lucifer offered tentatively. "It shouldn't upset your stomach too much." Sam shrugged again. Lucifer seemed to take it as a yes anyway and disappeared. 

 

~X.x.X~ 

Sam found himself sitting across from Castiel's adopted brother, Balthazar, when he visited Michael's bar that night. 

"Nice nose," was Balthazar's form of a greeting. Sam huffed and sent a glare at Michael. 

"You know, it was actually Castiel's idea for you to talk to me. Michael's just enforcing it." 

"I don't understand why it matters to any of you. Castiel, okay, yeah, I get it. You and Michael? I don't get it." 

"What, are people not allowed to care about you?" Balthazar tilted his head at him. 

"Stop answering my questions with questions."

"First off, it's my job. I'm a therapist. Secondly, I've only done it once, darling. Untwist your panties. I'm only doing this because Castiel asked and because I'm rather fond of you and your brother. Good enough answer for you? Great. Lets address your reckless behavior first," Balthazar cracked his knuckles casually. Sam's temper flared. 

"I'm not doing this," Sam said, standing up from the table. "I'm going home."

"Sam, I think you'd benefit from-"

"I don't care, Balthazar. I'm going home so all of you fuck off and leave me alone." 

"Sam-"

"Later," Sam said harshly, before walking angrily from the bar. 

~X.x.X~

"Go fuck yourself," Sam said to his brother when Dean met him at the door. 

"Sam, I said I was sorry," Dean sounded stressed. Sam found himself not caring. 

"I don't care. I don't care how sorry you are." 

"I lost my temper, I'm so-"

"Yeah, and my entire world came crashing down. Who has the right to lash out here?" Sam snapped, roughly pushing passed Dean. 

"I'm just worried. Sam, c'mon-" 

"Go to hell," Sam walked quickly up the stairs. 

It was Cas who approached him finally, gently knocking on his door. 

"Sam? Can I come in?" 

"No."

"I'm not going to defend your brother. I want to look at your nose." 

"It's not broken." 

"Just let me look at it." 

Sam huffed and opened the door. He sat down on the edge of his bed after Castiel closed the door behind him. His hands were gentle on Sam's face as he touched the bruising and then Sam's nose. Sam flinched. 

"Who told you it wasn't broken?" Castiel asked, frowning slightly. 

"My friend," was all Sam gave. 

"Did they at least give you some ice?" 

"We got a little sidetracked. He cleaned me up though," Sam wouldn't look Cas in the eye. Cas hummed quietly. 

"We might have to take you to a hospital. I don't know if it's broken for sure or not." 

Sam didn't say anything. 

"I yelled at him, after you left," Castiel said softly. Sam glanced up at him with a stunned expression. 

"While I don't like that you turn to alcohol and sex as coping methods, you don't deserve to be punched in the face over it," he said simply. "I may love your brother more than anything, but what he did was uncalled for. I understand why you fled last night, I do, but at least answer my calls next time. I don't care that you ignored Dean, but you could've answered me." 

"I'm sorry, Cas." Sam meant it. 

"I know," Cas smiled softly at him. "Are you going out again, or are you going to stay in?" 

"I'm going to stay in, I think. If I still look terrible tomorrow you can take me to a hospital. I should probably be sober for that." 

"Might be a good idea. You don't have to come downstairs. I'll bring you up something to eat if you want." 

"That's okay. I'll be a man and face my brother."

An affectionate smile formed on Castiel's face for a moment. 

"Okay." 

He slipped out of the room, and Sam flopped back on his bed. 

~X.x.X~

"Sam?" Castiel cracked open his door. "Michael called. Your friend needs a ride home?" 

"My friend?" Sam sat his book down on his nightstand. "What friend?" 

"Something Milton. He got into a bar fight and he's too drunk to drive. Michael didn't kick him out because he didn't start the fight, and he'd seen the two of you together before." The phone was still in Castiel's hand. "I can call him back if he made a mistake." 

"No, no, I'll go get him. Think Dean will give me the keys to Baby?" 

"He went to the shop. I don't know when he's coming back." 

"I didn't hear him leave." 

"You were in the shower. Anyway, you can take my car." Castiel tossed the keys to him. Sam caught them one handed. 

"Did he leave because of me?" Sam asked softly as he approached Castiel. 

"No, me. We argued. He claimed he was behind on things at the shop so he was going in. You know how he is when it comes to talking." 

"He always talks to you."

"Not always," Castiel smiled sadly. "Don't worry about us. We'll be fine. Are you bringing Mr. Milton here?" 

"Might as well. Wouldn't want Dean to punch me in the face again." Sam went to go downstairs. 

"He does love you, Sam." 

"I know. He just has a funny way of showing it." 

~X.x.X~

Michael was sitting with Lucifer on the curb when Sam pulled up. Lucifer's cheek was beginning to bruise and his lip was split.

Sam parked, and hopped out of the car. Michael glanced up at him when he stopped in front of them. Lucifer kept his gaze locked on the ground. Sam held out a hand to Michael and helped him to his feet. 

"What happened?" 

"I'm not really sure, he won't talk. He definitely didn't throw the first punch though, that's why I didn't kick him out." 

"Hey Luce," Sam leaned down to rest a hand on his cheek. "What happened?" Lucifer didn't speak, just gazed up at Sam with a wounded expression. 

"How drunk are you?" Sam tried that instead. 

"Very," Lucifer slurred. "Very, very drunk, and very, very stupid." 

"Why do you say that?" Sam pulled him up to his feet gently. Lucifer shook his head, slumping forward toward Sam. 

"I was hoping you'd have an idea of what was going on," Michael murmured after Sam had wrestled Lucifer into the car. "Usually he's very happy when he comes here. He plays pool with his friends and then leaves before he drinks too much. Tonight he just sat at the end of the bar and didn't talk to anybody. Hannah finally cut him off and was trying to sober him up when the fight broke out. I haven't talked to her about it yet, so I have no idea what was said. I only saw the first punch thrown." 

"I just saw him earlier and he was fine. I have no idea what happened since then." 

"Are you two a thing? That's why I called Cas. I thought that maybe..." 

"No!" Sam said quickly. "No. We're just friends. I guess. I don't know. I've only known him for two days." 

"Oh. Okay. Well, take him home. Sober him up. Get his eye looked at. Etcetera." Michael turned to go back inside. 

"Thank you," Sam said softly. "For not...kicking him out." Michael smiled at him a little before heading back in. Sam got in the driver's seat of the car. Lucifer was leaning against the window with his eyes closed. 

Sam sighed, and pulled away from the curb.

~X.x.X~ 

"Sam?" Lucifer nudged him a little. Sam rolled over to look at him. 

"Hm?" Sam was half awake. It'd taken both him and Cas to get Lucifer up the stairs and into some of Sam's clothes. Castiel had returned downstairs to wait up for Dean and Sam had curled up beside Lucifer. 

Lucifer's mouth on his brought him back from his thoughts. Sam lightly pushed him away. 

"You're drunk, Luce," Sam murmured. "Kissing would hurt you anyways." 

"I don't care." Lucifer pressed closer to him. 

"Luce..." 

"You aren't the only one who uses sex as a coping method," Lucifer mumbled, pressing his mouth to Sam's neck. He kissed down it slowly, occasionally biting a little. Sam inhaled sharply, trying to ignore him. 

"You know you want me," Lucifer's mouth was at his ear again. "Don't deny it." 

"I'm not denying anything, but you're drunk." 

"Sam, I'm laying here asking you to fuck my brains out and you're denying me. My ego is wounded." 

"You make no sense," Sam grumbled. 

"I'm drunk. I'm not supposed to make sense." Lucifer was kissing him again, and Sam could feel his resolve breaking. 

"My brother's boyfriend is downstairs and wide awake. He'll hear us." Sam broke this kiss, running a hand up and down his side. 

"We can have sex on the floor. I can be quiet." Lucifer pressed himself even closer. "You can put your hand over my mouth while I ride you." 

"Christ," Sam gasped as Lucifer nipped as his neck again. 

"Been thinking about it since last night when you were pressing me down into my bed..." Lucifer was lightly palming him through his pajama pants now. "You know you want it just as bad." 

"No shit," Sam grumbled, rolling them onto the floor. There was a soft thump when they landed, tangled up in the blankets, but Cas didn't call up the stairs to them. They fumbled with each other's clothes, Sam struggling nearly as much as Lucifer and he had no alcohol in his system at all. 

Everything was a blur until Lucifer was sinking down onto his cock, throwing his head back as he gasped. Sam made a small noise, clamping a hand over Lucifer's mouth as he began to rock slowly back and forth on top of him. Their movements were clumsy, but perfect all the same. 

Sam removed his hand from his mouth to guide his hips faster and to hold him steady when he began to thrust upwards. Lucifer cried out softly, his grip on Sam's shoulders tightening. 

"Sam," Lucifer breathed, "please, please..." 

"Please what?" Sam breathed back. Lucifer tugged on his shoulders, pulling him upwards. Sam sat up, curling arm around Lucifer's back and bracing his other hand on the floor. Lucifer draped his arms around his shoulders, muffling his moans into his neck. 

"You feel so good," Sam nearly moaned it. Lucifer whimpered, tightening his grip. 

"You know what would feel even better?" Sam murmured. Lucifer pulled away to look at him, his eyes glassy with lust. His lips were parted slightly, little noises still falling from them. 

Sam moved them so that Lucifer was laying beneath him with his legs tangled around his hips. He kissed him softly, bracing his weight on his elbows. Lucifer's hands tangled in his hair as he kissed him back. 

Sam's thrusts were tender, but not entirely slow. Lucifer's breathy noises turned into soft moans that he muffled into Sam's shoulder as he pulled him closer. 

"Sam..." Lucifer moaned quietly. Sam clumsily kissed his cheek, picking up his pace. 

"I'm gonna..." Lucifer whispered before he cut himself off with a soft cry. Sam groaned quietly into his throat, kissing a little at the skin there as his vision went white. 

They lay in silence for awhile before Sam rolled off of him and tossed the condom at the trash can. Lucifer curled toward him, clearly having no intention of moving off the floor. Sam tossed an arm over his waist, pulling him close. 

"Feel better?" Sam murmured, adjusting the blankets from his bed around them to make sure they were covered. 

"Mmm..." Lucifer turned his head so he could look at him. Sam brought a hand up to hold his face and kissed him sweetly before releasing him. 

They cuddled on the floor until they fell asleep. 

~X.x.X~ 

Dean found them on the floor still in the morning when he quietly opened Sam's door. Sam was sprawled on his back with an arm curled around Lucifer, who was sprawled across his chest. Castiel poked his head up behind him, looking over his shoulder. 

"I thought he stayed in," Dean said slowly. 

"He did. Michael called him to pick that man up from the bar. He said they were friends." 

"Looks like they're more than friends." 

"Well, I heard them have sex last night, so I would say so." 

"You just let them have sex with you downstairs?" 

"I went outside so I couldn't hear them once I figured out what they were doing," Castiel said with a shrug. "Who am I to stop him from sleeping with someone?" 

"Well..." 

"Just let it go, Dean." 

~X.x.X~

"What happened last night?" Sam asked Lucifer softly after they'd been awake for awhile. 

"Nothing important," Lucifer's voice was just as soft. 

"How's your lip?" 

"Tender. My jaw hurts more." 

Sam gazed at him sadly. Lucifer's eyes softened. 

"I've had worse." 

"What made you so upset in the first place?" 

"Ah...I don't really want to talk about it. It involved my sister, let's leave it at that." 

Sam knew very well about not wanting to talk about things. He let the subject drop and Lucifer seemed grateful for that. 

"Good thing I don't have to work today," Lucifer said, glancing up at the alarm clock above his head. "I'd be really late." 

Sam didn't say anything. 

"Would it be weird if I just...stayed here all day? I...I know I said I don't want to talk about what happened, but I don't want to be alone either," Lucifer seemed almost shy. It was a strange look on him. 

"No, it wouldn't be weird. I mean I stayed at your place yesterday because I didn't want to be here," Sam said. He wiggled out from under the blankets and grabbed the pajama pants he'd put on the night before from the floor. He shimmied them up and over his hips. 

"You can move up to the bed. I'll make some coffee." 

"Okay," Lucifer said softly, watching him from where he lay curled on the floor. 

Sam went to leave, then hesitated. "Do you need some asprin?" 

"Yes, please." Lucifer pulled the blankets over his head.

Sam tried not to smile.


	4. Chapter 4

Sam didn't see Lucifer again for over a week. He went into a random diner, feeling defeated after yet another argument with Dean. 

Dean didn't think he was ready to go back to work, but Sam was sick of being at home during the day. Dean was tired of Sam's reckless behavior, Sam didn't want to talk to Balthazar. 

It was a never ending battle. 

He sank into a booth, putting his head down on the table. His chest was starting to feel tight whenever he breathed. If he got sick, he was going to be pissed. 

"Can I get you anything?" He almost didn't hear the waiter approaching. 

"Coffee, please," Sam didn't look up. 

"Sure thing," the voice said. It sounded familiar. Sam raised his head. 

Lucifer gave him a strained smile when their eyes met. 

"Long time no see," Lucifer said softly. Sam swallowed thickly. 

"Yeah." 

"You hungry?" 

"Not really." 

"Grilled cheese it is." Lucifer walked away. 

Sam put his head back down on the table. 

He lifted his head again when he heard Lucifer talking to someone in the booth behind him. 

"I know you're restless, Lily, and I'm sorry. I get off work in two hours. Color me another picture," Lucifer sounded exhausted. 

"Do you want a puppy or a kitty?" A child's voice answered. A little girl, probably about four or five years old, Sam guessed.

"One of each?" Lucifer asked. Sam heard him set something down. "I brought you some milk." 

"Thanks!" 

"Anything for my favorite girl." 

Lucifer came to Sam's booth then. 

"Sorry about that," Lucifer said quietly, sitting down his coffee and a plate with grilled cheese. 

"Is she yours?" Sam didn't know where the question came from. Lucifer looked startled. 

"Sorry," Sam offered. 

"No, no, it's fine. You're not the first to ask me that, I just..." Lucifer trailed off for a moment. "She's my niece. Lilith. I call her Lily though, since she hates her name." 

"Oh." 

A small blonde girl suddenly attached herself to Lucifer's leg. 

"Lily!" Lucifer hissed, looking around frantically. "Lily, I'm working. I can't carry you right now." 

"I'll watch her," Sam found himself saying. "I'll entertain her until you're done." 

"I..." Lucifer looked over his shoulder. A short woman with brown hair was watching him with her eyes narrowed. "Okay." Lucifer lifted the small girl into the seat across from Sam and quickly moved her things over. He darted back to the kitchen. Sam was shocked to see the woman swat his shoulder as he hurried by. Lucifer glanced at her guiltily before disappearing. The anger faded off her face and she had a more sympathetic look on her face once he was out of her sight. She glanced over and saw Sam watching her. 

Sam quickly turned his attention to the little girl. 

"Do you want some?" Sam offered the plate to her. The little girl hesitated before shyly taking one half of the sandwich. Sam took the other half and took a bite out of it, encouraging her to do the same. 

"I'm Sam," Sam offered, "I'm Luci's friend." 

"I'm Lily," the little girl said softly. "Unca Luci has to watch me because Mama's in the hospital." 

"Oh?" Sam tried to remember. The last time they saw each other, Lucifer was upset over his sister...

"Why's she in the hospital?" Sam asked slowly. Lily shrugged her shoulders. 

"Daddy said she was gonna get better real quick, but she's been in there for seven whole days," Lily complained, taking another bite of the grilled cheese. 

"Really? That's...weird." Sam had almost said not good, but he stopped himself. 

"Yeah. Unca Luci said that too." Lily looked at him funny. "You seem sad." 

"I'm not sad," Sam laughed a little. 

"Do you have a girlfriend?" 

"No." Sam winced. Lily looked at him strangely. 

"That's what Daddy does when I ask about going to see Mama." 

"What?" 

"He makes a funny face like this." She mimicked the facial expression that Sam knew he had just made. 

"Oh?" 

"Yeah." 

They sat in silence for a little while. 

"Did you have a girlfriend?" 

"Yeah. I did have one awhile ago." 

"What happened to her?" 

"Uh...she, uh... There was a fire where I used to live. She, uh..." Sam struggled to find words. "Uh, she...God decided that he needed another angel instead of me being with her." That was the best way he could explain it to her.

"...that's stupid." Lily frowned. 

"I know," Sam laughed harshly. "I thought it was pretty stupid too." 

~X.x.X~

Lucifer found them coloring when he finished his shift. 

"Thank you so much," Lucifer smiled tiredly at him. "You saved my a- butt." He corrected himself with a quick glance at Lily. 

"No problem. She's cool." Sam offered her the picture of a dog he had just finished coloring. She took it and handed him a drawing back. It was a picture of an angel. 

"Now you can keep your girlfriend with you all the time," she grinned at him. "It's not the same, but it'll help, I promise!" Sam looked down at the childlike drawing. He smiled faintly, and folded it carefully before sticking it in his pocket. 

"It does help," he dropped money on the table before leaning down to hug her. "Thank you." 

Sam hugged Lucifer briefly. Lucifer looked like he wanted to say something, but he held it back. Sam didn't ask. 

He fled as soon as he felt like he could get away with it without seeming rude. 

~X.x.X~ 

"I was told to not give you any alcohol at all," Michael's wife, Hannah, said, leaning on the bar in front of him. "But you look like you need it." Sam wordlessly pushed the picture that Lily had made at her. 

"Oh..." Hannah murmured. She folded it carefully and reached across the bar to tuck it in his pocket. "I'd tell you to talk to Balthazar, but I know you don't want to." Sam didn't say a word, staring at the top of the bar. 

A drink appeared in front of him a few moments later. 

"Hot chocolate?" Sam rose an eyebrow at her. 

"I keep a stash in the back," Hannah smiled faintly. "It's the candy cane kind." 

"That's the best kind." Sam heard himself saying. Hannah patted his hand before moving off to take care of someone a little farther down the bar.   
He zoned out for awhile, because the next thing he knew he heard Hannah talking to someone behind him. 

"Don't you dare yell at him, he hasn't had one drop of alcohol," Hannah scolded. 

"I wasn't planning on it," came Dean's voice. He sat down beside Sam at the bar. 

"I'm not up to fighting with you, Dean," Sam said tiredly. He moved to get up. 

"I'm not here to fight," Dean said gruffly. "Cas already bit my head off once today." 

"I'm sorry." He meant it. 

"Don't be. You... You need to have someone in your corner. I haven't been very good about that." 

"Dean... It's fine." 

"No, it's not. I raise your ass and then basically turn my back on you when you're hurting because while I'm not about talking, I'm at your throat about your coping methods. I'm supposed to be there for you, taking care of you, and I'm doing a shit job." 

"Dean." 

"I'm sorry." Dean said abruptly. "I'm doing a shit job, and I'm sorry." 

"You don't have to take care of me anymore, Dean. I'm an adult-"

"That's not the point, Sammy!" 

"Dean-" 

"I know I've fucked a lot of things-"

"Stop!" Sam pleaded. He could feel his walls beginning to break. "Stop!" His voice cracked. 

"Sammy?" Dean was staring at him in horror. Sam could feel his body trembling. 

Dean pulled him to his chest and Sam broke. 

~X.x.X~

Sam didn't remember leaving the bar. He didn't remember getting home. The first thing he remembered was being seated on the couch, and someone pulling off his shoes. 

He could hear Cas whispering angrily at Dean. He wasn't mad at Dean, so why was Cas?

"Stop it..." He tried to say. It came out as a groan. Castiel did stop talking at least, and a cold hand was being pressed to his forehead. 

"I don't think he likes that you're yelling at me," Dean said. Good, yes, Dean knew what he was trying to say.

"He's on fire," he heard Cas say, completely ignoring what Dean said. Typical. 

"I got him worked up, I didn't mean to do it. Hannah said that he was already upset before I even showed up." 

"Why?" 

"She wouldn't tell me." 

"Let's try and get him upstairs to bed," Cas suggested. They hauled him to his feet. Sam leaned heavily on Dean's shoulder as they guided him up the stairs. 

"C'mon, in bed," Dean helped him fall into bed. 

"Dun go," Sam slurred, "Stay, Dean." 

"...yeah, okay." He felt Dean sit down on the edge of the bed. "Okay, Sammy." 

Sam sighed tiredly, leaning his forehead against Dean's leg. Everything went black. 

~X.x.X~ 

"Dean?" Sam mumbled as he jerked awake. His chest hurt with every breath he took. It was Cas who hovered over him. 

"Dean?" Sam asked again. 

"At work. He didn't want to leave you, but he doesn't have many days left." Castiel smoothed his hair off his face. "You're stuck with me instead." 

"Nnn..." Sam closed his eyes. Everything hurt now that he thought about it. He knew that the fact that he was in pain was showing on his face. 

"What hurts?" Castiel asked, trying to get him to settle. Sam made a frustrated noise, clumsily bringing a hand up to grab at his chest. 

"Your chest hurts?" Castiel asked. Sam nodded. 

"When you breathe?" Sam nodded again. Cas swore loudly, yanking his phone out of his pocket. Sam heard himself make a frightened noise. He wasn't really frightened, but his body didn't seem to be listening to his subconsciousness.

"Sorry," Castiel's voice was gentler now. Sam shut his eyes again. He tried to keep his breathing steady, but it hurt worse with every breath. 

Cas was talking to Dean on the phone. "I know, I know, you could get in trouble for talking on the phone at work, but it's Bobby. You're his favorite. Okay, okay, whatever. I think Sam has pneumonia. Exactly! Did you really think I was going to text that to you? I'm eagerly awaiting your permission to take him, you assbutt. Argue with me about my cursing later! Do you want me to take him or not? Okay! I'll see you as soon as you get off work. Yes. I love you, too." He ended the call. 

"Come on," Cas urged. "Doctor's visit for you." 

"No..." Sam groaned, hiding his face in the pillow. 

"Sorry, Sam. If it wasn't potentially pneumonia, I'd let you stay in bed all day long." He hauled Sam to his feet. Sam stumbled along with him. 

Everything began to go fuzzy and he couldn't tell what was real and what wasn't. 

The clearest thing he registered was a pretty blonde nurse gently sticking an IV needle (well, as gently as you can stick an IV needle in someone) into his arm. 

"Jess?" He slurred. 

"Nope, sorry, sweetheart." The voice was all wrong. Definitely not Jess. "I can get her for you as soon as you're set up if you want." 

"'Kay," Sam sighed. He closed his eyes, turning his head to nuzzle into the pillow. 

Everything faded to black again. 

~X.x.X~ 

"Sam?" He could hear Dean talking. 

"He's been hallucinating since I brought him in. They said it's the combination of the fever and the medication they gave him." Definitely Cas. 

"Hallucinating?" 

"Asking for Jessica... A lot. He thought that the nurse was Jess. She came out to ask for her for him and I had to tell her that she was dead and had been for awhile... Shit, shit, shit. He's awake and I think he heard me." 

Sam felt his body beginning to tremble. 

"Shit, shit, shit.." Dean was swearing now, grabbing a hold of Sam's face as gently as possible. "It's okay, it's okay." Sam kept shaking his head. Jess was dead, Jess was dead... 

"Wake up, wake up," he kept mumbling at himself. 

"Dean, I'm sorry," Castiel's voice actually cracked. Sam had to be dreaming. 

"Sam, Sam, you're going to hurt yourself. You need to calm down..." Sam focused on his brother's voice. Calm down. He could do that. Maybe. 

"That's it, that's it... The nurse found a drawing in your pocket. Do you want me to give it to you so you can look at it?"   
Drawing...drawing...the one from Lily? It had to be. 

"Jess," Sam slurred. 

"Jess? Is- Is the drawing supposed to be Jess?"

"Mm." 

"Oh. Okay. I'll sit it beside your bed. Okay?" 

"Mm." Sam slurred again. 

"Are you feeling calmer now? Cas didn't mean to upset you." Sam felt the darkness beginning to take over again. He heard himself sigh. 

"You can go back to sleep. It's okay." Dean's voice cracked. His rough hand lightly took ahold of Sam's. "Go to sleep, Sammy." 

Sam managed to give his hand a barely-there squeeze back before he was under again.

~X.x.X~

"Sam..." Dean was shaking him gently. Sam turned his head to look at him, and sleepy expression on his face. Dean looked relieved for some reason. Sam's eyes fell on the figure behind him. 

"Hi," Lucifer said shyly. Sam managed a little smile before he shut his eyes again. 

"He's in and out of it a lot," he could hear Dean saying, "sometimes we won't hear anything out of him for hours." 

"What's wrong with him?" Lucifer was keeping his voice low. Sam wished Dean was that considerate. He made an attempt to roll on his side, but ended up pulling at the IV in his wrists. He hissed in pain as the lines pulled, rolling into his back again. 

To his surprise, it wasn't Dean who gently got a hold of him, it was Lucifer. 

"Here, let me help you," Lucifer said softly. He gestured at Dean then, at least, Sam was assuming that it was Dean behind him, and hands were gently pushing him onto his side while Lucifer held his arm with the IVs in place. Sam mumbled something, he wasn't even sure what he said, but Lucifer must have understood because he smiled. 

Sam forced his eyes open, and scanned the room. 

"'Ere Cas?" He sounded awful, even to himself. 

"Home. He can't miss anymore work, and you know how he is. He's petrified that his students will fall behind if he isn't there to teach them." Dean kept his voice light. Sam wrinkled his nose. He turned his attention to Lucifer. 

"...find me?" He glared at his pillow again. 

"It's your medicine making you slur, Sammy," Dean interrupted. Sam huffed. Lucifer looked amused for a minute. 

"Purely accidental that I found you," Lucifer said. "I saw Dean downstairs and he recognized me." 

"Oh." There, he could say that. The corner of Lucifer's mouth quirked up for a minute. 

"I can't stay, but I'll come back," Lucifer said. "Maybe I'll bring Lily. Would you like that?" 

Sam nodded slowly. He was starting to get sleepy again. He glared at the tube that was putting medicine into his system. Lucifer muffled a laugh, stooping down to kiss the top of his head. 

"Get some sleep, Sam. I'll come back when I can." He brushed his fingers over Sam's cheek before leaving the room. 

Dean moved into his line of sight then. 

"Just friends?" Dean rose an eyebrow, but he was smiling a little. Sam rolled his eyes, flipping him off. Dean let out a surprised laugh, and Sam grinned into his pillow.


	5. Chapter 5

"You're looking better." 

Sam looked up from his book at the sound of Lucifer's voice. He was wearing the same clothes that Sam had seen him in two days ago, and it showed. 

"I'm feeling better." Sam sat his book on the little table hooked to his bed. 

"That's good," Lucifer said hoarsely, "really good." 

"You...you don't look so good," Sam said uneasily. 

"I'm okay." Lucifer sat down in the closest chair he could find. 

"You look like you're going to pass out," Sam reached to push the call button for his nurse. "I could get..."

"No! No, no, I'm okay. I just need a minute." Lucifer closed his eyes, inhaling sharply. "I think I might be in shock." 

"...why?" 

"Anna's dead," Lucifer blurted. He covered his face with his hands then. "Oh God, she's really dead." 

Sam could only stare at him in horror. 

~X.x.X~

Cas showed up before Dean did that evening, and he found Sam dozing with his hand loosely grasping Lucifer's. Lucifer was watching Sam sleep. His breathing was hitching occasionally and his eyes were red rimmed. 

"Did something happen to Sam while we were gone?" Castiel kept his voice low so that he didn't wake Sam. 

"No...no, he just fell asleep a few minutes ago. The nurse gave him the last big dose of medicine he has to take before they'll release him and it knocked him out." 

"Did he struggle with her? He usually does." 

"No," Lucifer looked even sadder, if that was possible, "he was sidetracked by me." 

"...oh?" 

"My sister died today. I sort of just...ended up here. I really should be with my niece and brother-in-law but I can't..." 

"I'm sorry. You don't have to tell me. I can try to keep Dean away so you can spend more time with Sam." 

"No...no, I should be with them. I've stayed away long enough..." 

"Are you sure? It's not a problem." Castiel felt bad for the poor man. 

"It's fine, really. Tell him that I'll try to see him in the morning."

"I will." 

~X.x.X~

"Sam?" Lucifer sounded surprised when Sam slid into a booth across from Dean in the diner that Sam had seen him working in before. 

"Hi," Sam said, smiling a little at him. 

"How are you feeling?" Lucifer asked. 

"I have trouble catching my breath sometimes, but I'm okay. They just released me this morning. Dean thought I needed some 'real food.'" Sam glanced across the table at Dean. Dean was ignoring them, or at least pretending to, reading over the menu. 

"What do you think you can keep down?" Lucifer opened a notepad. 

"Not eggs," Sam grimaced. They had tried feeding him eggs at the hospital that morning and the smell had nauseated him. 

"Okay. Toast? I can bring you that, and maybe..." Lucifer looked at the ceiling thoughtfully, "...some fruit? Easy stuff, nothing that'll stir your stomach." 

"Yeah, that sounds good. I don't think Dean will let me have coffee." Sam looked at Dean again. Dean shook his head no, still reading. 

"Orange juice?" 

"Yeah, I'll try it." 

"It's fresh. Ellen makes it herself."

"Okay." Sam felt a pressure in his chest. He held back a cough. Lucifer seemed to know, and lightly patted his back before taking Dean's order of pancakes and coffee.

"How come you can have coffee and I can't?" Sam grumbled, slouching in the booth after Lucifer walked away. 

"One, because I'm the oldest and the boss of you. Two, you were just in the hospital with pneumonia. Three, suck it up and drink your damn orange juice." Dean smirked at him before picking up a newspaper that was laying on the table by the ketchup and salt. 

Sam sighed, pulling out his phone and opening up a game. 

~X.x.X~ 

"Sam?" Lucifer stopped him as they were getting ready to leave the diner. Sam waved Dean on before turning his attention to Lucifer. 

"Yeah?" 

"I know this is a really weird thing to ask, but could you come over tomorrow night? The funeral is tomorrow afternoon and I..." Lucifer trailed off, leaving the rest of his sentence unsaid. 

"...yeah. Yeah, of course. I might fall asleep on you, though. My medicine isn't as strong as what they had me on in the hospital, but they said it might make me sleepy." 

"That's okay. I just..." Lucifer shuffled his feet awkwardly. 

"I know." Sam assured him. And he did. He knew exactly what Lucifer was feeling right now. "Will you be okay tonight?"

"Yeah. Well, not necessarily okay, but I won't be alone. I'm staying with Chuck and Lily for tonight." 

"Okay. ...if you need me, you can text me or something." Sam boldly stole a pen from Lucifer's apron, and wrote his cellphone number on the back of Lucifer's hand. "I think it's safe to say that we're pretty good friends at this point." 

Lucifer laughed a little. "Yeah, I think you're right." 

~X.x.X~

Lucifer didn't text him at all. Sam tried to ignore the worried feelings rising in his chest as much as possible throughout the rest of the day and overnight. He survived until about five thirty in the evening the next day before he was shrugging on a coat and walking all the way to Lucifer's apartment. 

When Lucifer opened the door, he looked so miserable that Sam couldn't yell at him for making him worry. His eyes were swollen, and he was wearing a big sweatshirt and sweatpants. Sam folded him into his arms automatically, rocking him back and fourth slowly. He felt Lucifer trembling against him, his hands digging into Sam's back. When Sam finally released him, Lucifer looked even more miserable than he had before. 

"I'm sorry I didn't text you," Lucifer said hoarsely. "I broke my phone." 

"You...broke your phone?" Sam let Lucifer pull him into his apartment. 

"I threw it at my little brother's head," was all Lucifer offered. Sam didn't know if he wanted to know the reason why.

"Are you cold? Please tell me you didn't walk here."

"Uhm..."

"If you get sick again, I'm going to strangle you." 

"I'll be fine. I have my meds with me," Sam tried to reassure him. Lucifer huffed, grabbing the thick woolen blanket off of the back of the couch and wrapping it around Sam's shoulders. 

"Thanks," Sam smiled timidly at him. "We can share. I don't want you to be cold." 

"Don't worry about me," Lucifer said, gesturing for him to sit down. "I haven't been home long. You got here earlier than I thought." 

"I wanted to make sure you were okay," Sam said, sitting down on the couch. "Dean's at work anyways and Cas is with his brothers. It's not like I'm ditching anybody." The frown didn't leave Lucifer's face. 

"Stop pouting," Sam tugged him towards him. 

"Sam, we don't have to do anything. I didn't ask you to come for that," Lucifer wiggled away. 

"That's not what I'm doing," Sam said. 

"Then what are you doing?" Lucifer froze. 

"I'm trying to hug you, you idiot." 

"Oh." Lucifer let Sam tug him into his arms then, sinking into the embrace with a quiet sigh. He pressed his cheek against Sam's chest, letting himself be hugged. 

Sam lightly ran his fingers up and down Lucifer's back. Lucifer hummed, seeming to sink into him further. 

"I guess it's a good thing you showed up when you did," Lucifer mumbled into his chest. He clumsily reached to wrap an arm around his neck. "I would've been drunk when you got here." 

"I've seen you drunk before," Sam reminded him. 

"How do you handle it so well?" Lucifer suddenly changed the subject on him. 

"Handle what?" 

"Losing Jess. How?" 

"I...I don't handle it at all, actually. I...I have nightmares a lot. I drink when I can get away with it. The only thing I've stopped doing is having sex with so many people. I haven't had sex with anybody but you since we met, and don't ask me why, because I don't know, but-" Sam had started to ramble. He hated talking about Jess, he had no explanation for why he didn't have sex with anybody but Lucifer lately, and he had no advice to give Lucifer. 

"I had sex with one person since we've met," Lucifer said softly. Sam stiffened. "I had the pretend she was you," Lucifer finished.

"You had to...pretend she was me?" 

"I couldn't..." Lucifer made a helpless gesture. "I didn't want to make her feel bad, so I just..." 

"Oh." Sam understood. He'd been there. They didn't speak for a few minutes. 

"I want you," Sam finally said, "I want you so much." He felt pricks at the corner of his eyes, "but I'm terrified, Luce. I'm terrified. I'm not ready and I know for sure that I'm not. I can't..." Sam swallowed sharply. "I can't do it again. Not again. I can't let someone in like that and end up loving them and then..." Lucifer stopped him by gently covering his mouth with his hand. 

"I'm not going anywhere," Lucifer whispered. "I'm in no hurry. I know you're not ready." 

"I'm scared," Sam mumbled around his hand. 

"I know." 

"You were supposed to be bad," Sam couldn't hold the tears back any longer. "You were supposed to be bad and it was supposed to be a one time thing. But you weren't bad, you were good and I..." Lucifer stopped him again, this time by pulling him into a hug instead. Lucifer rocked him back and forth until he could breathe again. 

When Sam was calm, he felt ashamed. Lucifer was grieving over his sister, and he ended up needing the comfort instead. 

"I'm sorry," Sam mumbled, pulling away from him. 

"Don't be." Lucifer surprised him by taking his hand. "I don't want you to be sorry." 

"Why?" 

"Because now I know that it's not just me who feels something." Lucifer smiled a little at him. "I thought it was just me." 

"No," Sam swallowed thickly. "No, it's not just you." 

"It's...nice to know." Lucifer said. He leaned his head on Sam's shoulder, still half sitting on his lap. "Does it hurt to breathe?" Lucifer asked softly when Sam took a deep breath again. 

"A little," Sam said honestly. There was no point in lying. 

"Maybe they should've given you an inhaler or something," Lucifer got up off of his lap. "Lucky for you, I have one." 

"You have one?" 

"I keep one handy in case my little brother decides to visit." 

"The same little brother you threw your phone at?" Talking about other things helped Sam to calm himself down a little more. Lucifer seemed to notice. 

"Yeah. He...he was being insensitive, and I forgot that it's how he copes with things and I just..." Lucifer trailed off as he disappeared for a few minutes. He continued when he came back out of the bathroom. "I just kind of flung it at him. And then my niece yelled at me." 

"Lily yelled at you?" 

"She loves me, but Gabriel is her favorite. He owns a candy store, so he's always bringing her treats. I call it cheating." Sam laughed a little, taking the inhaler that Lucifer handed him. 

"Know how to use it?" 

"I'm not an idiot, Mom," Sam rolled his eyes. Lucifer just looked at him fondly. Sam used the inhaler, and his chest began to clear a little. 

"Thanks," Sam breathed. He handed it back to Lucifer. Lucifer sat it down on the coffee table. 

"I'll keep it handy just in case you need it." 

"Okay." 

"Are you hungry?" Lucifer asked, "I could make you grilled cheese again." 

"How about I cook?" Sam got to his feet. "You've done enough for me." 

"Can I help?" Lucifer asked. "I don't want to just sit and watch you." 

"If you can follow instructions," Sam pulled Lucifer to him by his waist. Lucifer wrapped both arms around his neck. 

"I think I can do that." Lucifer stood on his tiptoes to kiss him, seeming to forget his earlier statement about not wanting to do anything. 

Sam wasn't about to remind him either.

~X.x.X~

Sam hadn't laughed so much in so long. 

Lucifer was covered in flour, staring at Sam with the most incredulous look on his face. Sam tried to muffle his laughter behind in his hand. 

Lucifer suddenly grinned wickedly, coming at Sam with the grin still on his face. 

"No, no!" Sam tried to escape, but Lucifer caught Sam in his arms, getting the flour all over Sam. Sam squirmed, still laughing, and Lucifer was framing his face in his hands and kissing him. Sam's laughter turned into a small moan, his hands grabbing a hold of Lucifer's hips and hauling him closer. 

The oven beeped, startling them both. Lucifer stumbled back into the fridge while Sam stumbled into the counter. They stared at each other in stunned silence before Lucifer snorted and started to laugh. Sam began to smile, and it turned into laughter as Lucifer began to come towards him again, only this time just curling his arms around Sam's waist and pressing his cheek to his chest. Sam hugged him back, resting his chin on top of his head. 

"We should probably clean up while that stuff cooks," Sam finally murmured. 

"Yeah...probably," Lucifer pulled away. He turned to dig out cleaning supplies from under the sink. 

"Sam?" 

"Yeah?" 

"Thank you." 

"For what?" 

"You already know," Lucifer smiled at him a little before turning his attention to the mess they'd made.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place a few days after the last chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have some fluff.

Sam woke up screaming. 

He couldn't remember the dream as well this time, but somehow Lucifer ended up stuck inside the burning house with Jessica. 

Sam scrambled for the lamp that Dean had been nice enough to put beside his bed. He switched it on. 

He was alone in the house. He had finally talked Dean and Cas into going out and having an evening to themselves. He grabbed for his phone to see the time. 

12:07 AM. Great. He hadn't been asleep long and he probably wouldn't be getting anymore sleep for awhile. He found himself hitting Lucifer's contact. Lucifer had thankfully gotten a new phone the day before, so he was pretty sure that Lucifer would pick up. 

"Hello?" Lucifer's voice was thick with sleep. 

"Hi," Sam tried to say. His breathing was out of wack. Wonderful. He should've thought this through. 

"Sam? What's wrong?" Lucifer sounded more alert now. 

"I..." Sam swallowed.

"Nightmare?" Lucifer asked gently. 

"I...y-yeah..." Sam heard his voice crack. 

"Wanna talk about it?" Lucifer was still using that gentle voice. Sam clung to it desperately. 

"I...I can't remember a lot of it." There. He could get that sentence out at least. 

"Okay, that's okay. Do you still have the inhaler I gave you?" Sam had used the inhaler so much at Lucifer's the other night that Lucifer had insisted that he keep it just in case he couldn't catch his breath. 

"Yeah..."

"Okay. Use that. It should help ease the pressure in your chest. Don't even deny that you're having trouble breathing, Sam. I can hear you through the phone." 

"O-okay..." Sam obeyed. 

"Okay. Now lay down and get all comfy." 

"This better not end up like a cliche porno," Sam found himself mumbling as he did as he was told. Good Lord, he'd been hanging around Dean too long. Lucifer actually laughed at him. 

"That's not what I'm doing, silly. I'm going to just talk to you until you get sleepy again." 

"I don't think I'll get sleepy." Sam rolled onto his side to hold his phone between the pillow and his ear.

"That's fine, too," he heard Lucifer yawn. "I'll stay up all night with you if I have to."

"You have to work tomorrow," Sam reminded him.

"..okay, I'll keep the call going but I might fall asleep."

"That's okay." 

"Where's Dean?" 

"Out with Cas. I don't know when they'll come back since it's a Friday night and neither of them work tomorrow. I didn't want to bother them." 

"I'm sure that Dean would want to know." 

"I don't want to bother them," Sam repeated. 

"Okay, okay. I'm sorry." 

"For?" 

"That you have nightmares that make it so you can't sleep." They lay in silence for a little while. 

"I wish you were here," Sam heard himself saying. 

"I wish I was there, too," Lucifer murmured sleepily. Sam found himself yawning. 

"Think you can sleep now?" Lucifer asked. 

"Don't know," Sam mumbled, letting his eyes slip shut. 

"I'll keep the phone on," Lucifer said gently. 

"Mm'kay." 

"Sleep tight, Sam." 

That was the last thing Sam heard. 

~X.x.X~ 

Sam was woken up by someone tucking the blankets in firmly around his shoulders and sliding his phone out from under his head. Sam's eyes shot open and he shot up in bed, grabbing beneath his pillow for his knife as he sat up. 

"Sam!" Dean's hands clamped down on his shoulders. Sam let the knife fall through his fingers, his chest heaving. 

"I'm sorry!" Dean let go of his shoulder and grabbed his hand that had been holding the knife. "I didn't mean to scare you. Why do you have a knife stashed under your pillow?" 

"Habit." 

"You still do that?" 

"You keep a gun beside your bed!" Sam shouted. Dean dropped his hand and held up his in surrender. 

"Okay, okay, you're right. I'm sorry. You nicked yourself when you opened it. Can I clean it up?" At Sam's nod, Dean retreated from the room. Cas appeared in the doorway. 

"I told him to just leave you be, but he insisted on checking on you when he saw the lamp on. I should've tried harder to stop him." 

"S'okay." 

"You sure?" 

"Yeah." Sam kept his gaze on the sheets in front of him. Blood was beginning to drip onto them from the little cut in his finger. Sam made no move to stop it. 

"...how about we change your sheets?" 

"Okay." Sam let Cas tug him out of bed. He sat on the floor while Castiel changed the sheets and even changed the comforter while he was at it. 

Dean returned and wrapped up his finger before tucking him back into bed. Castiel had left when Dean came back.

Sam grabbed a hold of Dean when he started to leave. 

"Stay. I know that I'm ruining the rest of your night, but... Stay." 

"You're not ruining anything, Sammy." Dean smiled at him gently. "I'll be right back." 

Sam felt the guilt begin to gnaw away at his chest. Dean switched off the lamp before settling in beside him. 

"I'm sorry," Sam whispered to the darkness. 

"Don't be," Dean whispered back. After a minute, he added, "Cas and I had sex in the car before we came back if you're worried about my sex life. That's why we were gone so long." 

"I did NOT need to know that," Sam shoved Dean away toward the edge of the bed. "You can sleep on the floor now." 

"Well? Is that what you were worried about?" Dean ignored what he had just said. 

"I...sort of, I guess, but I didn't need details!" 

"Sam, don't worry about my sex life, okay? If you need me, I'm here. You know that." 

"I don't want to talk about this anymore," Ssm groaned, shoving his face into his pillow. 

"Great. Glad we got that settled." 

"Go to bed, jerk." 

"Whatever, bitch."

~X.x.X~

Sam woke alone, but he felt more rested than before. He got out of bed and headed downstairs to find Cas and Dean in the kitchen. It was rare that they ever actually acted like a couple in front of Sam since the fire, but Sam actually liked to see it from time to time. Dean was standing at the stove, grinning widely at Cas who was laughing at him from behind his coffee mug. Dean sat the spatula in his hand down to steal the mug from Castiel before grabbing a hold of his hips to pull him in for a kiss. 

One kiss seemed to lead to a make out session, so Sam escaped outside before he saw anything more. 

Okay, so there were SOME things that he could live without seeing. 

He curled up in one of the lawn chairs on the deck, pulling out his phone. He considered Lucifer's contact before tapping on it. 

S: Come over after work?

It was a good ten minutes before Lucifer responded.

L: yes. I get done at two. 

S: I'll walk downtown and meet you. 

L: ok. :)

Sam sat his phone down and leaned his head back, staring up at the sky. 

He wondered if it was safe to go back inside yet. 

~X.x.X~

"Hi," Lucifer's voice came from behind him. 

"Hi," Sam turned around to face him. Lucifer hesitated before brushing a kiss across his cheek in greeting. 

Sam smiled and tugged gently at Lucifer's waist. Lucifer came toward him willingly, wrapping both arms around his shoulders when Sam hugged him close. 

"Miss me?" Lucifer breathed into his ear. 

"You have no idea," Sam mumbled back, pressing his nose into Lucifer's hair for a moment before pulling away. 

"Dean and Cas are still home, so if you still want to come over even though they're there..." Sam ran a hand through his hair awkwardly. "I didn't know what you were planning on..." 

"I just want to hang out with you, Sam." Lucifer smiled at him, shrugging his shoulders. "I don't care what we do." 

"Well..." Sam shrugged. "If you don't mind hanging out with them around, we could watch a movie or something." 

"I feel like I'm in high school again," Lucifer said, laughing. He took Sam's hand in his for a couple seconds. "We can do whatever you want. I'm open to anything." 

"Honestly, I kind of just want to curl up on the couch with you and watch Game of Thrones," Sam admitted. Lucifer smiled at him, squeezing his hand before releasing it. 

"That sounds perfect." 

~X.x.X~

They were three episodes in when Sam noticed Lucifer dozing off on his shoulder. Sam nudged him gently with said shoulder. 

"Hey...do you want some more comfortable clothes to wear before you fall asleep?" 

"'M not gonna fall asleep," Lucifer mumbled into his shoulder. 

"You sure about that?" Sam prodded him gently. "Your ass looks hot in those pants but you look like you could use some sweatpants." 

"...maybe." 

"Come on, sleepyhead." Sam paused the TV and helped him to his feet before guiding him up the stairs. Lucifer occasionally stumbled, clearly still half asleep. 

"I'm not going to be mad at you if you fall asleep on me. You look exhausted." Sam said after they were in his room. He dug around in one of his drawers for a pair of sweatpants. 

"I just," Lucifer yawned, "haven't been sleeping well." 

"And I probably didn't help by waking you up last night did I?" Sam frowned, handing him a pair of sweatpants when he finally found some. 

"I was only half asleep when you called me. I actually fell asleep on the phone with you, but Chuck called me at three in the morning." 

"Chuck?" 

"Anna's husband." 

"...oh! Oh, I'm sorry." 

"It's okay." Lucifer frowned at the buttons on his shirt. "I'm having trouble." 

"Here," Sam stepped forward and undid the buttons for him, helping him shrug out of it. "Want a different t-shirt?" 

"No, I have plenty of these," Lucifer said, gesturing at the white t-shirt he was wearing as an undershirt. "Gonna help me with my pants, too?" He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. 

"Maybe if you weren't so sleepy, I'd do more than help you with your pants," Sam laughed. But he stepped forward and helped him with the button. 

"I think I could wake up enough for that," Lucifer stole a kiss from him. Sam laughed again, kissing him once more before stepping away. 

"And then you would fall asleep in the middle of it and wound my ego," Sam teased back, watching Lucifer wiggle out of his dress pants and into the sweats that Sam had given him. 

"That wouldn't happen," Lucifer insisted once he was dressed. "You're too good for me to fall asleep." 

"Oh really? Do you mean that or are you trying to slyly convince me to have sex with you?" Sam caught Lucifer around the waist and yanked him against him. Lucifer put his hands on his shoulders, balancing himself. 

"Both?" Lucifer smiled at him innocently. Sam found himself laughing yet again. 

"I promise to ravish you as soon as you look more human," Sam smiled at him, kissing his cheek. 

"Should I be insulted?" Lucifer asked, letting his hands slide down Sam's arms. 

"No, it means you need some sleep. I promise that I won't be mad if you pass out during Game of Thrones." 

"I don't want to miss anything." 

"Luce, you already missed half of the third episode." 

"Then we can just restart it!" 

"How about we watch a movie instead? Dean has Netflix." 

"Are you offering to Netflix and chill with me?" Lucifer wiggled his eyebrows again. 

"No, I'm offering a movie and snuggle time," Sam said, swatting his hip lightly. 

"...I'll take that, too."

~X.x.X~

"Hey, I'm taking Cas to that diner for dinner and then we might go see a movie. You two need anything?" Dean peeked into the living room. 

Lucifer was sprawled out across Sam's lap, his head pillowed on Sam's thigh. Sam glanced over his shoulder at his brother. 

"Could you bring back something for him? I don't really want to wake him up by going to make him something." Sam kept his voice low.

"Oh, is he sleeping?" Dean lowered his voice instantly. "Yeah. Do you want something, too?" 

"Surprise me."

"Okay. You have your phone?" 

"Yes, Dean."

"Alright. I'll see you in a couple hours." Dean slipped out of the room as silently as possible.

Lucifer stirred awake not long after Dean and Castiel left.

"Sam?" Lucifer turned his head a little to glance sleepily up at him. "How long 'ave I been 'sleep?" 

"Not long," Sam began to run in his fingers through Lucifer's hair. Lucifer practically purred, leaning into the touch. 

"If you keep doin' that, 'm gonna fall asleep again," Lucifer complained. 

"Would you like me to stop?" A small smile began to form on his face. 

"Fuck no," Lucifer answered immediately.

Sam smiled as Lucifer began to doze off again. 

"'M sorry for being boring," Lucifer mumbled suddenly. "I'm sure you imagined this to be a lot more fun." 

"I'm not bored." Sam moved his hand from his hair to rub his side gently. "I'm good right here." 

"You sure?"

"I'm sure, Luce. You need to catch up on sleep so you don't end up collapsing at work." 

"Ellen might kill me," Lucifer admitted. "Well, okay, not really, but she might consider it for a second before mother henning me."

"She doesn't seem like the mother hen type." 

"She is. Believe me. She wanted to give me a week off instead of just two days for..." Lucifer trailed off. Sam continued to rub his side, finally stopping at his hip and rubbing circles into it with his thumb. "But she knows that I depend on the tips I make and the extra money I make doing prep stuff with her after the diner closes. She only let me work today because I agreed to work in the morning." 

"Do you work tomorrow?" 

"Eleven to close. It's not that bad, really." Lucifer insisted at the incredulous look that Sam gave him. "I make the most tips on Saturday nights when the diner stays open longer or late morning and early afternoon on Sundays after church lets out. It's really okay." 

"Are you sure?" Maybe Sam should leave him bigger tips when he came from now on.

"You don't need to leave me bigger tips, Sam." Lucifer practically read his mind. "I'm doing okay. I promise." 

"If you're sure. I'm sorry that I kept you awake longer, you can go back to sleep now." 

"I can stay awake if you want me to." 

"Shut up and go to sleep." Sam tugged the blanket off the back of the couch and draped it over him. He resumed playing with his hair. 

Lucifer was out in minutes.


	7. Chapter 7

"Sam?" Lucifer turned his head to face him in the dark. They had retreated to Sam's room once Castiel and Dean got home. They shared the take out that Cas and Dean had brought with them before curling around each other in Sam's bed.

"Yeah?" 

"There's something I haven't told you," Lucifer said quietly. He pressed his face into Sam's shoulder. "I haven't told anyone, except my brother. Anna didn't even know." 

"Okay," Sam wrapped his arms around him. "It can't be that bad." 

"It's not. Well, you might think differently of me, but I understand how you feel, in away." 

"Feel...?" 

"How you feel after...Jessica."

"Oh." 

"Yeah."

They lay in silence for a few minutes.

"Nothing will change," Sam said softly. "No matter what it is." 

"Do you promise?" 

"Luce-"

"Please." 

"Okay, okay, I promise." 

"I...I was in a relationship with an engaged man," Lucifer said, his entire body tensing up. 

"I see."

"I...we were friends first. Best friends. Then one day, when he came over to escape the wedding planning he...he kissed me. I pushed him away from me and asked him what he was doing when I came to my senses. He apologized and said, 'I'm so sorry. I don't know what came over me. I just...wanted you.' I stared at him, stunned. Me? He wanted...me? No one had ever said anything like that to me.

"I'd been with plenty of people; casual sex, one night stands. But he was different. I began to notice little things about him every time I saw him from that point on, and I don't even know how it happened, but the affair began." Lucifer stopped. Sam curled his arm tighter around him. 

"You don't have to tell me anything else, Luce." Sam murmured. 

"No, no, I have to. You...you deserve to know." Lucifer took a deep breath before continuing. "I fell in love with him. I'd never been in love before. As our affair continued, he told me that he was going to break it off with her. He convinced me that he loved me. That we would be together.

"The night before his wedding, he came to see me. I thought that he had broken it off with her. I threw my arms around him as soon as he came into my apartment...only to be shoved away. He told me that he couldn't break it off with her. He cared about her too much. He had rediscovered his love for her a month prior to breaking it off with me, but he hadn't wanted to hurt me. He put it off until he couldn't put it off anymore. He told me not to come to the wedding. He had told his fiancé that we had had a falling out and that I wasn't planning on coming anymore. She knew I existed, of course, but I don't think he's ever told her what really went on with me. He wanted a clean break. To act like it never happened. 'It was fun,' he said, 'but it has to end. I'm sorry that I lied to you for so long.' He left, got married the next day, and I was alone." Lucifer took a deep breath again, only there was a slight hitch to it this time. "I still showed up at his business sometimes. His fiancé, now his wife, assumed that we mended our friendship. He didn't correct her. Neither did I. We're civil to each other, but avoid speaking if we can help it. But..." Sam felt wetness on his t-shirt. 

"I loved him so much, Sam," Lucifer whispered. "So I understand, in a way, why you're so scared. Why you hurt so much. The only difference is, he's still alive, but I had to watch him be happy while I fell apart." 

Sam didn't know what to say. 

"You can judge me if you want to. I wouldn't blame you." Lucifer sounded nasally. "I wouldn't blame you if you never wanted to see me again."

"Don't say that," Sam murmured. "It's the past. Everyone makes dumb decisions at least once while they're young." 

"But you know him. That's the thing. You know him and you know his wife and oh God, Sam..." Lucifer began to tremble. 

"Who is it?" 

"Michael Novak."

Lucifer broke down completely then, but Sam didn't let go. 

~X.x.X~

"Why doesn't Cas know who you are, if you were...involved with Michael?" Sam asked softly after Lucifer calmed down. 

"He never met me," Lucifer mumbled. "He didn't get along well with Michael back then."

"So it's been..." Sam tried to remember how long Hannah and Michael had been married. "...four years?" 

Lucifer nodded. 

"But if you avoid interacting, why was he sitting with you on the curb after that bar fight?" 

"Because it was his fault that the bar fight happened in the first place. Well, not directly his fault, but..." 

"So when you said you were drunk and upset over Anna..."

"That was true. I wasn't lying. I just left out the reason why it happened." 

"So what happened?" 

"Someone found out about the affair and was going to tell Hannah. It got ugly, and I was drunk and already feeling reckless so I got between them and took the hit. Someone drug the guy away from me. Michael offered to take me home, but I didn't want that, so I...I made him call you. I know that I had no right to, that I barely knew you, but I just wanted you. You were the first person to make me feel anything in three years and I..." Lucifer trailed off. "I made him edit the details of the fight. I said that he owed me that much. He sat with me until you got there. I ignored him whenever he tried to speak to me. You got there. We left. I haven't gone back since." 

"I see..."

"I'll go. If you want me to." Lucifer moved to get up.

"Would you stop assuming that I want you to leave?" Sam pulled him back into his arms. "Luci, it was three years ago. I don't think you're the same person you were back then." 

"But you and I both know that it was so wrong of me to-"

"Yes, it was wrong, but you were young, Luce. You weren't thinking clearly." 

"That doesn't justify anything."

"I didn't say it did," Sam put a finger to his lips when he opened his mouth to speak. "That doesn't mean that I don't want you anymore, because I do. If you think coming clean to Hannah will make you feel better, than by all means, do it, but what would it really do?" 

"Destroy their marriage," Lucifer mumbled around his finger. "I don't want to do that." 

"Exactly. Would the old you have done that?" 

"...I don't know. I barely remember the first year."

"...okay, poor example." Sam sighed. He leaned his forehead against Lucifer's. Lucifer looked at him through his lashes. 

"I just don't want you to regret this," Lucifer whispered. 

"I won't. I know that I have a long way to go before I can truly commit to you, but I'll never regret you. You...you make me feel okay. I don't want to lose that." 

"I don't know if I'll ever not be afraid of you leaving, but...you make me feel okay, too." 

"I'm glad," Sam lightly kissed him. Lucifer kissed him again after he pulled away, sliding his hands into his hair. Sam adjusted his hold on Lucifer, pulling Lucifer's leg up over his hip. Lucifer was moving his hands again, this time to pull Sam closer until Lucifer was flat on his back and Sam was laying between his legs. Lucifer's hands slid into Sam's hair again, the kisses becoming more urgent. Sam hummed into his mouth, lightly grinding down on him, creating a delicious friction that made both of them gasp. 

"Please," Lucifer breathed against his mouth, "please..." 

"Please, what?" Sam breathed back. He rolled his hips down a little harder and all Lucifer could do was moan in the back of his throat, his fingers slipping to Sam's shoulders. 

"Don't...stop..." Lucifer gasped. Sam pressed his face into Lucifer's shoulder, pressing his body down against his. Lucifer was grinding upwards, and it was clumsy, but it was so, so good, and then they were kissing again and Sam felt like he was on fire...

They clung to each other afterwards, gasping for air. Sam didn't move from between his legs, laying his head on Lucifer's chest. He listened to the steady thump of Lucifer's heart as he tried to catch his breath, amazed at how fast Lucifer had managed to catch his. 

"I feel like a teenager," Sam mumbled, still a little breathless. Lucifer laughed a little beneath him, his hand coming up to play with Sam's hair. 

"Is that a bad thing?" Lucifer asked softly. 

"No," Sam said, lifting his head up to look at him. Lucifer kissed him again, only this time it was deep and slow. Sam made a soft noise as he pressed closer, kissing him back. The kisses didn't stop, even when Lucifer rolled them so that he was straddling his lap. Sam's hands were running down his back and Lucifer's were catching his face and holding it as it turned into another heavy make out session. 

Sam ended up sitting up so Lucifer could take off his shirt. Lucifer's shirt, well actually, it was Sam's, but that didn't really matter, hit the floor next. 

"Sam," Lucifer breathed when they broke apart for air. Sam hummed softly, running his hands over Lucifer's lower back. Lucifer arched into the touch, whimpering softly. 

"Should we move to the floor?" Lucifer whispered. 

"Are you going to be any quieter on the floor?" 

"Probably not," Lucifer murmured. 

Sam laughed into his mouth before kissing him once more.


	8. Chapter 8

"Lucifer told you," Michael said as he sat a soda down in front of Sam. 

"I don't know what you're talking about." Sam refused to meet his eyes. 

"You think I haven't noticed you glaring at me?" Michael tapped the bar with his palm, irritation plain on his face. 

"I don't care what you've noticed. If you don't want your wife to find out, I would drop this subject before this conversation is overheard by the wrong person." 

"She already knows, so I guess it doesn't really matter, does it?" Michael's voice came out as a growl. 

"If you think Lucifer told her after he stuck out his neck for you, so help me-" 

"I know he didn't." The growl was still there. "I did." 

"You went out of your way to hide it from her for three years and now all of the sudden she HAS to know? What'd you do, blame it all on him? Claim he threw himself at you and you just couldn't say no?" 

"I didn't have a choice. I had to tell her," Michael ignored the last half of what he said. "Lucifer doesn't have a violent bone in his body, no matter how drunk or upset he is. Hannah knows that. So obviously when he throws himself in front of me and ends up in a bar fight, she's going to ask me questions. There was nothing I could say in response, so I told her the truth." 

"You couldn't just have one of them, could you? You had to have both, had to ruin them both-"

"You don't understand-" 

"What is there to understand, Michael?! You ruined him and now you've probably ruined her!" 

"I loved him-"

"No. Don't even go there with me. Did you know that he blames himself for the entire affair? Doesn't blame you in the slightest? He acts as if the fault is all his, that he should've known better. But he's wrong. YOU should've known better. You had just as big of a role in this mess, but he's the only one who has to suffer. You should've walked away before you broke him." Everything was coming out in a rush. "I hope Hannah leaves you and finds somebody who actually deserves her." 

"Get out," Michael snarled. "Just get out." 

"What, you can't handle somebody telling you the truth?" Sam taunted. 

"Get. Out." 

"Truth hurts, doesn't it?" 

"I told you to get out!" Michael shouted. Sam slammed the soda can down on the counter and got off the bar stool. 

"Gladly." 

"Don't ever come back. I don't care who you're with." 

"Oh, get off your high horse, Michael. There's plenty of other places in this town that are way better than yours." Sam turned to walk away. 

A bottle hit the back of his head. He heard someone scream, and he was stumbling forward, catching himself on a chair. He raised a hand to the back of his head, and his hand came away bloody. He turned around, glaring at Michael. A horrified expression was on Michael's face, and his hands were clamped at his sides. 

"I hope they shut you down for this," Sam said, turning back around and heading for the door. He could feel the blood running down the back of his head and it was making him a little nauseated. 

"Sam!" Someone called after him. He stopped walking. A towel was pressed into his hand. Hannah. 

"I'm so sorry, Sam. I don't know what got into him..." She looked like she was going to faint. He pressed the towel to the cut. 

"I told him the truth. He didn't like it." 

"I know. I...if things we're different, I probably would leave, but I..." 

"What?" 

"I'm pregnant." Sam's mouth dropped open and before he could say a word, Dean was grabbing his arm. 

"What the hell, Sam? Another bar fight? Seriously?" 

"I'm actually completely sober and I didn't hit anybody. A bottle was thrown at my head," Sam glared at him. Dean looked ashamed. Castiel appeared at his elbow. 

"Hannah? What's going on? Why is Sam bleeding?" 

"Your charming brother lost his temper and threw a bottle at his head. I don't know what happened and I don't plan on asking." Hannah turned around to leave, then stopped and turned back around. "I'm not leaving because I'm mad at you, Sam. I'm leaving because...the blood is making me nauseated." Sam caught on. She was keeping Lucifer's secret if Sam kept hers. 

"Okay. I'm sorry about all of this, really." 

"No, don't be. You did nothing wrong." She patted his hand before slipping away. 

"What happened?" Dean looked livid. 

"We had a disagreement. Don't worry about it." Sam pulled the towel away. "I think I need stitches." 

"Take him out to the car, I'll deal with my brother." Castiel kissed Dean's cheek before walking over to the bar. 

"I think you owe me an apology." Sam said as Dean led him to the impala. 

"Just don't get blood in my car." Dean grumbled. Close enough. 

"I hope you know I'm not sitting in the back." 

"Yeah, yeah, whatever bitch." 

"Jerk." Sam smiled faintly as Dean opened the passenger door for him. 

~X.x.X~

"I should've told you that he had a temper," Lucifer murmured as he combed through Sam's hair, trying to get the dried blood out without touching the stitches.

"I don't care." Sam tilted his head back to look up at him. "It was worth it." 

"What am I going to do with you?" Lucifer sighed, but there was no anger in it. He leaned down and kissed the top of Sam's head. 

"Hannah knows about the...thing," Sam mumbled, adjusting his position on the floor in front of Lucifer. Lucifer began to comb through his hair again. 

"What does she know?" Lucifer asked lowly. 

"I don't know what story he gave her." Sam leaned his cheek against Lucifer's knee. "But she told me that she's only staying with him because she's pregnant." 

"What do you think he told her?" Lucifer asked softly. 

"I don't know, but she kept your secret from my brother and Cas," Sam shut his eyes. Lucifer hummed thoughtfully. 

"I don't think they would like me very much if they knew," Lucifer said. 

"I don't know," Sam admitted, "but they don't need to know." Sam took Lucifer's free hand in his own and squeezed it gently. 

"I got as much as out as I could," Lucifer brushed his fingers through Sam's hair. "We can try washing it in the morning." 

"Isn't that going to hurt?" Lucifer stood up behind Sam and then helped him to his feet. 

"No idea. Sorry." He pecked Sam's cheek. Sam folded Lucifer into his arms and lay his cheek on top of his head. 

"You didn't have to do what you did, Sam," Lucifer mumbled into his shirt.

"You shouldn't have to feel like it's all on you either," Sam pointed out. 

"Okay, but I feel bad that he threw a bottle at the back of your head," Lucifer looked up at him. 

"I've had worse." 

"I know; and you're proud of it, which boggles my mind." Lucifer pulled away from him, shaking his head as he walked away toward the bathroom. 

"You like me!" Sam called after him. Lucifer rolled his eyes with smile. 

~X.x.X~ 

"I picked a movie," Sam called when he heard the bathroom door open.

"Go ahead and start it," Lucifer called back as he came down the hall. Sam hit play, and watched as Lucifer came in the room with just a towel around his waist.

"Getting bold?" Sam smirked at him from the bed. 

"Not much of a point in being modest." Lucifer smirked right back. "It's nothing you haven't seen before." He let the towel fall. Sam inhaled sharply and licked his lips absentmindedly. 

"Like what you see?" Lucifer laughed, bending to pick up a pair of sweatpants from the floor. 

"Don't put them on," Sam blurted out. Lucifer rose an eyebrow at him. 

"Just...come to bed. Like that." 

"What if I get cold?" Lucifer asked innocently. 

"I'll make sure you don't get cold," Sam said, rolling his eyes. Lucifer crawled in beside him, curling up to his side and laying his head on his shoulder. Sam wrapped an arm around him, leaning his cheek against Lucifer's head. 

"What are we watching?" 

"Gone With the Wind." 

"Seriously?" Lucifer sounded like he was about to laugh. 

"What? It's a classic!" Sam defended. 

"I didn't peg you for the type," Lucifer grinned into his shoulder. Sam nudged him with his free hand until Lucifer looked up at him. 

"I want to kiss you," Sam breathed. 

"Did you really pick this movie because you want to watch it, or because you didn't want to have sex during a movie you actually like?" Lucifer breathed back. He sounded amused. 

"It's a five hour movie, we won't miss that much," Sam whispered. He kissed the corner of Lucifer's mouth. "And I do like this movie." 

Lucifer laughed again, only this time it was more breathless. He pulled Sam close, turning onto his side to curl an arm around Sam's neck. 

"You can kiss me now," he breathed. Sam leaned in, pressing his lips to his gently. Lucifer hummed, parting his lips a little more. 

"Where do you want me?" Lucifer asked softly after Sam broke the kiss. Sam rolled onto his back, pulling Lucifer to rest between his legs. 

"You haven't been on top for awhile, so I thought maybe..." Sam looked up at him almost shyly. Lucifer smiled down at him. 

"Are you trying to suck up to me after the stunt you pulled today?" Lucifer leaned down to kiss his neck. 

"A little," Sam admitted. He sighed softly, running his fingers through Lucifer's hair. "But I want this." His voice came out breathy. Lucifer made a small noise against his throat. 

"You don't have to," Lucifer mumbled. "I really don't mind." 

"I want this," Sam repeated. "I want you." 

"Okay," Lucifer breathed. "Okay." He kissed Sam gently, resting his weight on his elbows. Sam hummed, running his fingers up and down Lucifer's back, reveling in the feeling of his skin under his fingertips. 

"I'm going to take these off now," Lucifer whispered, moving on hand to tug lightly at Sam's pajama pants. 

"Okay," Sam lifted his hips up to assist. Lucifer kicked them off the side of the bed and onto the floor once he had them off. Sam pulled the blankets up and over them until Lucifer was covered to his shoulders. 

"You do know that those are going to fall to my waist, right?" Lucifer gave him an amused look. 

"Humor me," Sam said, rolling his eyes. Lucifer huffed a laugh, rolling off of him to make a grab at the nightstand.

"This might be cold," Lucifer warned, uncapping the bottle of lube. 

"I can take it," Sam tried not to laugh. Lucifer made a sound that was half a growl and half a moan. Sam did laugh then, but it turned into a gasp as Lucifer's cold fingers slid home. Lucifer laughed at him this time, leaning over to kiss him. Sam slowly adjusted to the sensation while he was distracted by Lucifer's mouth. He barely noticed when Lucifer began to kiss down his neck and kept going toward his stomach. 

"Fuck-" Sam gasped as Lucifer took his cock into his mouth. His hand twisted into Lucifer's hair before he could stop it, a low moan starting deep in his chest. He felt Lucifer smile around him before he pulled his mouth off and traveled back up Sam's body, pulling his fingers out as he went. 

"Ready?" He murmured against Sam's throat. Sam nodded, pulling the blankets up over them once again. Lucifer positioned himself over Sam before swearing under his breath and moving off of him again. 

"What?" 

"I forgot to get condoms." 

"It...it's okay. I... I'm clean." 

"So am I, but...are you sure?" 

"Yeah, I'm sure." Sam reached to pull him back on top of him and Lucifer came somewhat willingly. "If you don't want to, it's okay. I understand." 

"No, I do." Lucifer leaned down to kiss him. "I'll always want you. I've just...never done this before." 

"Me either," Sam admitted. "But it's okay," Sam wrapped his arms around Lucifer's shoulders. "Kiss me." 

Lucifer kissed him after a moment's hesitation. Sam gasped at the unfamiliar sensation when Lucifer pushed in, but it wasn't unwelcome. Lucifer groaned softly, pressing his face into Sam's neck while he waited for Sam to adjust. At Sam's nod, he began to thrust slowly, moving to rest his weight on his elbows again so he could look down at Sam. Sam closed his eyes, lifting his legs to wrap around Lucifer's thighs. 

"This feels...different," Sam breathed, opening his eyes to look up at Lucifer. He slid his hands down to rest on Lucifer's lower back. The blanket had fallen like Lucifer predicted, but Sam didn't bother trying to pull it back up this time. 

"Want me to stop?" Lucifer's voice was hoarse. 

"No," Sam breathed. "Don't stop." Lucifer adjusted his position to change the angle. Sam moaned, throwing his head back. His nails dug in to Lucifer's back.

"I love the sounds you make." Lucifer breathed into his ear. He picked up the pace as he pressed his body closer to Sam's. Sam could only moan once more, trying to lift his hips to meet Lucifer's. Lucifer groaned softly, leaning down to kiss him. The kiss was rougher than Sam was used to, but he didn't complain. 

"Harder...please..." Sam threw his head back again after Lucifer pulled away. "Luci...please..." 

Lucifer moved to his knees and yanked Sam's legs over his shoulders. His fingers dug into Sam's hips as he slammed in and out of him harder. He was groaning under his breath, his eyes closing. 

Sam blindly reached for Lucifer's hand, a low whine rising in the back of his throat. Lucifer let go of his hip with one hand to lace his fingers with Sam's. 

"Cum for me," Lucifer growled. "Now." Sam cried out loudly, his eyes rolling back as he tumbled over the edge. He felt Lucifer's body sink down against his, his hips moving much slower now. He felt Lucifer kiss him again, this time tender. 

"Sam," Lucifer breathed softly after pulling away. Sam rolled his hips up to meet his, opening his eyes.

"You're so beautiful," Sam whispered. He realized that Lucifer was still holding his hand and that his legs were around Lucifer's waist now. 

"I like this position better," was all Lucifer mumbled when he noticed Sam looking at him. Sam pulled him down for another kiss. 

"Sam," Lucifer breathed into his mouth. Sam felt him tense, and then he was slumping against Sam completely with a low moan. Sam ran his fingers up and down Lucifer's back before he was hit with a strange sensation. He squirmed a little beneath Lucifer. 

"Am I hurting you?" Lucifer quickly lifted his weight off of Sam, a horrified look on his face. 

"No, no, it's not that. I was enjoying that, actually," Sam admitted. "I meant..." Sam squirmed again. 

"Oh! Oh, I'm so sorry, Sam. I meant to pull out before, but I..." Lucifer blushed. He slid out of Sam carefully. "I'll remember if that ever happens again." 

"It's okay. It's not bad, it's just...weird." 

"I'm so sorry." Lucifer looked mortified. He rolled off of Sam and got out of bed. Sam sat up to stop him as he left the room, but he returned quickly with a washcloth. 

"Here," Lucifer wiped at Sam's stomach and his own before offering him the washcloth. Sam blushed this time, turning his gaze away. 

"I'm sorry," Lucifer's breath was warm on his ear. Sam hadn't felt him get back in bed. 

"It's okay." Sam rolled over to face him. "It just...might get on your sheets." He tossed the washcloth on the floor and curled his arm around Lucifer's waist. 

"That's okay," Lucifer wrapped an arm around his shoulders. "We're backwards." 

"Do you want me to move?" Sam made no move to do so, instead curling closer to his side. 

"No," Lucifer kissed his cheek. 

"Where are we at in this movie of yours?" Lucifer asked him after a few minutes. Sam looked up at the screen for the first time.

"Uhm....Scarlett just agreed to marry Charles, Melanie's brother." 

"So we only missed about a half hour." 

"Mhm," Sam snuggled closer, closing his eyes. 

"You're going to miss the rest of it, aren't you?" Lucifer pulled the blanket over them, tucking it around Sam before pulling him close. 

"Maybe another hour of it," Sam yawned. "Nothing important." 

"How's your head?" Lucifer asked softly, "I wasn't thinking about it until now." 

"'S fine. If it was bleeding again, you'd know." 

"Okay. Go to sleep, Sam." 

"Mmkay," Sam mumbled. He moved his head to Lucifer's chest and drifted off to the sound of Lucifer's heartbeat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sam totally misses the rest of the movie.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three weeks have passed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have rewritten this chapter multiple times over the past few months. 
> 
> B told me to post this version. 
> 
> Hope I don't disappoint.

Sam sat up in bed with a hoarse cry. His fingers twisted in the sheets, his breathing coming out in short gasps. The lamp beside his bed clicked on and Lucifer sat up in bed beside him, gently touching his cheek and turning his face towards him. 

"It's okay," Lucifer murmured. Sam let Lucifer pull him closer to rest their foreheads together. Sam tangled his fingers into the material of Lucifer's shirt instead, trying to calm his breathing. If Lucifer just stayed right there...

"I'm not going anywhere," Lucifer said softly. Sam must have spoken aloud. "Come here." Lucifer lay down, tugging Sam down gently so that he was curled up against his chest. His fingers ran through Sam's hair slowly. Sam felt his breathing begin to calm again, and he curled closer to Lucifer, tucking his head under his chin. 

"Better?" Lucifer asked once Sam's breathing was steady. Sam nodded slowly, keeping his eyes closed. 

"Think you can go back to sleep?" When Sam shook his head no, Lucifer kissed the top of his head in response. "That's okay." Lucifer said. "I'll stay awake with you." 

"Go to sleep." Sam's voice was hoarse. "You have to work in the morning." 

"I really don't mind-" 

"Please," Sam whispered. His eyes filled with moisture once more. "Please."

"Okay," Lucifer conceded. "Okay, I will. Can I kiss you goodnight?" Sam hesistated a little, but tilted his head up towards him. Lucifer dropped a brief, but sweet, kiss to his lips. Sam borrowed his face into Lucifer's neck after the kiss was broken. 

"Try to sleep," Lucifer whispered, wrapping an arm around Sam. Sam made a sound of protest. "Just try." Lucifer pleaded. Sam finally nodded against his neck, knowing that it was the only way he was going to get Lucifer to go to sleep. 

Sam was still awake when the alarm went off. Lucifer made a soft noise as he stirred awake. Sam carefully moved off of him to turn off the alarm. 

"Did you go back to sleep?" Lucifer asked sleepily, his hand finding Sam's hip under the blankets. He rubbed circles into it absentmindly. Sam shook his head, letting Lucifer tug him close to his body again. 

"I can skip showering if you want me to hold you a little while longer," Lucifer offered. 

"You don't have to," Sam mumbled, but he burrowed into Lucifer anyway, pressing little kisses to his neck. Lucifer hummed, tightening his grip on him. 

"Or I could make you sleepy," Lucifer suggested. 

"How?" Sam asked even though he had a pretty good idea of what Lucifer had in mind. Lucifer answered him with a hot kiss that made his toes curl. Sam pulled Lucifer on top of him, lifting his legs to wrap around the back of Lucifer's thighs. 

"What do you want?" Lucifer asked, his breath hot and heavy in his ear. Sam rolled his hips up towards Lucifer's, whimpering at the feeling of his cock rubbing against Lucifer's. Lucifer gasped, his hips shoving downwards to meet Sam's. 

Sam was yanking him down for a rough kiss, muffling a moan into Lucifer's mouth as he rutted against him. Lucifer groaned softly, pulling away to kiss down Sam's jaw, biting down gently as he went. Sam twisted his fingers in Lucifer's hair, his mouth falling open in a silent gasp. Lucifer moaned into his shoulder, grinding his hips down harder. Sam moved his hands from Lucifer's hair to run down his back, a soft sigh falling from his lips.

The friction quickly became too much and Sam came with a soft cry, nails digging into Lucifer's lower back. Lucifer moaned his name into his neck before pressing a clumsy kiss to his lips. 

"Good?" Lucifer murmured in his ear. Sam nodded, turning his head to kiss him again. He tugged Lucifer down so that his weight rested comfortably on top of Sam, his arms wrapping around his hips to hold him there. Lucifer propped himself up on his elbows so he could keep kissing him. 

Sam kissed him until his eyes began to slip closed, exhaustion finally kicking in. Lucifer kissed the corner of his mouth right before his eyes shut, a faint smile on his lips. 

"Sorry," Sam mumbled sleepily. 

"It's okay. Go to sleep, Sam." A softer kiss was pressed to his cheek. Sam barely registered Lucifer climbing off of him and tucking the blankets around him before he was out cold.

~X.x.X~ 

Sam leaned in the doorway to Lucifer's kitchen, a faint smile on his face as he watched him wash dishes. Lucifer was singing softly under his breath. 

"I didn't peg you for an Adam Lambert fan." Sam said as he walked across the kitchen to hug Lucifer from behind. Lucifer jumped at the sound of his voice, but leaned into him. 

"Guilty pleasure." 

"Looks or voice?" Sam smiled into his shoulder. He felt Lucifer laugh before he actually heard it. 

"Voice, but the looks are a plus. Why, you jealous?" Lucifer let the water out of the sink and rinsed his hands before grabbing a towel to dry his hands off with. He turned to face Sam, resting his hands on Sam's hips. 

"Oh yes, terribly." Sam rolled his eyes with a smile. Lucifer laughed again, leaning up to kiss his cheek. Sam turned his head to catch his lips with his own instead. Lucifer hummed, one hand coming up to rest against the back of his neck. He hummed even louder when Sam began to kiss down his neck, hands slipping to grip the sink behind him. 

"While I would love nothing more than to let you have your way with me, I do have to work," Lucifer said breathlessly. He didn't make much of an effort to push Sam away though. 

"How long do you have before you have to go in?"

"Half an hour, but I have to get a shower." Sam smirked into Lucifer's neck, lifting the bottom of his shirt to slide his hands over Lucifer's stomach. Lucifer laughed again, wrapping his arms around Sam's shoulders. 

"Without you distracting me." Sam pouted playfully, but stood to his full height, wrapping his arms around Lucifer's waist. Lucifer kissed his cheek. 

"Pick out my clothes for me?" Lucifer removed his arms, gently pulling out of Sam's hold to head toward the bathroom. 

"Yeah. Black pants and a nice shirt, right?" 

"Yes, please!" Lucifer called over his shoulder. He disappeared into the bathroom and Sam continued on to pick him out some clothes. 

~X.x.X~ 

Sam was helping Dean cook dinner when his phone rang. He was confused as soon as he saw Lucifer's name on the screen. Dean glanced over his shoulder when he saw the look on his face. 

"Too early for Ellen to close...must be a slow night? He hasn't been at work long." Dean murmured. Sam answered the phone. Frantic breathing was coming down the line. 

"Lucifer?! Luce? Luci, baby, what's wrong? Talk to me." Panic filled Sam's entire body. Another shuddering breath. "Luce, Luci, talk to me. What's wrong?"

"Is this Sam?" The breathing vanished, and a woman's voice came over the line. Sam gripped the phone tightly, feeling Dean come up behind him and rest a hand on his arm. 

"Y-Yes, who is this?" 

"Ellen Harvelle." A small amount of the tension left Sam's shoulders. "Think you and Dean could get down here? Got a bit of a problem." 

"Yes, of course, what...what's wrong with Lucifer?"

"Michael. Cornered him by a table he was cleaning up. Screaming and swearing at him, causing a big scene. My cook cornered him long enough for Lucifer to escape, but I can't coax him out of the cooler, and he can't stay in there forever. Don't know where Cas is to get him to help restrain his brother, so when all I could get out of Lucifer was your name, figured I might as well get you down here and at least have Dean to help keep Michael under control. Will he come after you?" 

"There's potential. Get someone over to his bar, make sure his wife is alright." 

"Sent my daughter over. One step ahead of you." 

"Okay. We'll be there."

Dean raised an eyebrow when he turned around. 

"How much did you hear?" Sam asked, running a hand through his hair. 

"Enough. I'll call Cas, he should be between there and the school already. Turn the stove off, would you?" Dean pulled his phone out of his pocket, dialing as he jogged upstairs. 

Sam took a deep breath. This was going to be a long night. 

~X.x.X~ 

Castiel beat them there, but only by minutes. Dean went in first to distract Michael so Sam could slip back into the kitchen. Luckily, Michael was too busy ripping in to Castiel to notice him slip by. 

The woman that Sam had seen behind the counter a few times showed him to the cooler once he slipped into the kitchen. Lucifer was huddled behind a stack of boxes when Sam found him. He crouched down in front of him. 

"Hey...hey, Luce." Sam called softly. Lucifer's eyes snapped to meet his, and Sam fell backwards as Lucifer flung himself into his arms. 

"I've got you, I've got you...shh..." Sam rocked him gently back and forth. Lucifer was sobbing into his shoulder, gripping him wherever he could reach. 

"Babe...baby, you're going to freeze in here." Sam could already feel goosebumps rising on his skin. "Let me take you out of here at least. We won't leave the kitchen, I promise." Lucifer nodded slowly, but didn't release him. 

"You've gotta let me stand, okay? Come on, Luci. It's alright..." 

Slowly, he managed to coax Lucifer out of the cooler and into the much warmer kitchen. Lucifer clung to him, pressing his face into Sam's chest. Sam ran his fingers through Lucifer's hair, leaning his cheek against Lucifer's head. 

"You're freezing." Sam murmured, rubbing his hands up and down Lucifer's arms. 

"Get him home, Sam." Ellen said softly behind him. "Your brother gave me his keys to give to you. You can sneak out the back. Spare him from being cornered by the police." 

"Okay, thank you." He took the keys from Ellen and gently guided Lucifer out the back door.

~X.x.X~ 

Lucifer didn't speak the entire way back to Dean's. He curled up against the door, shivering even though Sam had the heat on full blast. He was still crying. 

Sam reached across the seat for Lucifer's hand. Lucifer clung to it like a lifeline until Sam let go to get out of the car. 

Sam helped him out of the impala and took him straight upstairs. He gently pulled Lucifer's shirt over his head and helped him out of his dress pants and underwear before turning on the shower and gently pushing him in. Sam stripped down and climbed in behind him, pulling him into his arms and standing under the hot water with him. Lucifer leaned his head on Sam's chest again, closing his eyes. 

"I've got you," Sam murmured. "I'm here." Lucifer slowly stopped shivering. Sam ran a hand gently down Lucifer's arm again, only this time he flinched. Looking down, Sam noticed a huge bruise on his shoulder. 

"Luci...did Michael hit you?" 

"N-Not exactly..." Lucifer wouldn't look at him. 

"Did he grab you?" Sam asked gently. Lucifer nodded slowly, trying to curl into Sam even more. "When he turned you around?" Another nod. 

It took a few minutes before Sam could talk him into getting out of the shower. He wrapped the biggest towel he could find around him before grabbing one for himself. He guided him across the hallway to his room where he dried him off and helped him into a pair of sweatpants and a sweatshirt before getting dried off and dressed himself. 

"Are you still cold?" Sam asked when he noticed Lucifer trembling again. Lucifer nodded, still avoiding Sam's eyes. 

"Baby..." Sam folded him into his arms again. "Talk to me." Lucifer looked up at him then, eyes wide and full of tears again. 

"What?" Sam asked softly, moving his hands to cradle his face. "Talk to me." 

"You called me 'baby.'" Lucifer mumbled. 

"...I'm sorry. Do you not want me to? It just slipped out." 

"I like it." His voice was still at a mumble. 

"Okay, good to know." 

"I didn't know petnames were allowed." Lucifer's voice cracked. 

"You can call me anything you want." Sam smiled at him gently. "This thing between has been going on for almost three months now... You can call me anything you want." 

"I was this tough guy when you met me, because I refused to let myself feel anything at all, and now you're turning me into a mushcake because I like how I feel when I'm with you." Lucifer was mumbling again. "I know you wanted me then because you thought I was different, you thought I was tough and bad and I feel like you're going to end up disappointed in the end." 

"You're not making any sense, Luci. Why would I be disappointed when you're the only person who makes me feel alive?" 

"I don't want you to leave," Lucifer's voice wobbled. "I don't want you to figure out that I'm not what you want. I'm damaged goods. I can't fix you; I don't know how to fix myself. I can't make your nightmares go away. I can't make you feel better about Jessica. I wish she was alive and that I was dead, that way I know you would-" 

"Why are you talking like this? Luci, what did Michael say to you?" 

"The truth." 

"Lucifer Milton. What did he say to you?" Sam gently forced Lucifer to look at him. 

"That everyone would be better off if I was dead, because I ruin everything I touch." Sam's hands fell, and Lucifer burst into tears. 

~X.x.X~

When Dean and Castiel finally got home, Sam was holding Lucifer against him on the couch. Lucifer was wrapped up in a pile of blankets, his head on Sam's chest. He had finally fallen asleep after Sam got him talked down and warmed up. Castiel looked exhausted, but he paused to gently touch Lucifer's cheek as he passed. Lucifer made a soft noise in the back of his throat, pressing closer to Sam. Castiel smiled sadly at Sam before walking upstairs. Dean came in the room after the door to their bedroom quietly clicked shut. 

"Hannah is fine," Dean murmured softly. "Well, physically. He went off on her before going after Lucifer." 

"I don't know what all that son of a bitch said, but I know he told Lucifer that everyone would be better off if he was dead, because he ruins everything he touches," Sam said bitterly. "He told me that he wishes that he would've died in Jess's place. He thinks I'm going to end up disappointed and leave." 

"I haven't seen you look so alive since she died, Sammy," Dean said quietly. "I know you still have your days, but since you two got closer and things became less about physical contact and more about the two of you, you've looked so much better. Your nightmares will never go away completely, but you look better. I'm grateful to him for that, and I don't think you'll ever leave."

"I would never leave unless he was the one who told me to go." Sam whispered. "This scares the shit out of me. I'm not going to lie. But Dean... He just makes me feel okay. When I'm with him, I feel like that someday I will be able to say that I'm okay. ...I don't want to lose that." 

"You won't." Dean patted his arm. "He'll feel a little better in the morning. Tell him what you just told me then." 

"Okay."

Dean smiled at him before heading upstairs. Sam felt Lucifer shift against him.

"I know you're awake, Luce." Sam said softly. Lucifer tensed. 

"Sorry," Lucifer whispered. 

"It's okay." Sam kissed the top of his head. Lucifer instantly relaxed, snuggling into him. 

"Warm..." Lucifer mumbled. Sam ran his fingers through his hair, and Lucifer practically purred, curling closer. 

"You make me feel okay, too," Lucifer mumbled sleepily. His eyelids were drooping. "Pr'mise." 

"Go back to sleep." Sam whispered. Lucifer did. 

~X.x.X~ 

"You okay?" Sam asked softly. Lucifer jumped involuntarily- he hadn't heard him come up behind him. 

"Sorry," Sam murmured. He carefully wrapped both arms around Lucifer's waist, keeping his hold loose. Lucifer slowly leaned back against him, closing his eyes. 

"I'm okay," Lucifer mumbled. Sam kissed the back of his neck lightly before releasing him. 

"Cas wants to talk to you." Lucifer tensed. "No, no, nothing bad, Luci. He's not mad at you. None of this is your fault." 

"What is there to talk about?" Lucifer's breath came out in a rush. "If he doesn't blame me, what is there to talk about?" He tried to force his breathing to steady, but it wasn't working. Sam took his face in both of his hands, and Lucifer let it ground him, bringing his hand up to cover one of Sam's. 

"He wants to look at your shoulder, just to make sure it's okay. Does it hurt?" Sam gestured at it. 

"Only when people touch it," Lucifer mumbled. 

"Okay, well, he wants to look at it. He wants to make sure that you're okay. His other brother is here too. Just to talk, I promise. I won't leave unless you ask." 

"I don't want to talk to Balthazar." Lucifer whispered. "He knew me before. I don't think he likes me." 

"Well, he's not very happy with Michael right now, so he must like you at least a little bit. You don't have to talk to him, but at least talk to Cas." 

"Okay," Lucifer leaned forward to press his head against Sam's chest, and Sam instantly dropped his hands to hug him. 

~X.x.X~

Castiel surprised Lucifer by offering him a bowl of soup when he sat down with Sam at the kitchen table. Lucifer knew the look on his face was probably priceless. 

"I don't know when you ate last. Dean and Sam were making this last night, but I thought we could have it today." Castiel didn't offer anything else. 

"Thank you," Lucifer mumbled. His hands trembled as he lifted the spoon to his mouth. Cheeseburger soup. 

Castiel placed a bowl in front of Sam before sitting down with his own. Balthazar had taken a bite of his when Lucifer did. No one spoke for a good ten minutes. 

"Are you cold?" Balthazar spoke first. Lucifer hadn't noticed his entire body trembling. Lucifer shook his head, trying to force his body to stop.

"You don't have to be afraid," Balthazar's voice was much kinder than Lucifer remembered. "No one here is angry with you." 

"Is she okay?" Lucifer's voice came out as a whisper. "Is Hannah okay?" 

"She's staying with Ellen and her daughter, Jo. She's safe." Castiel murmured. "She's been asking about you." 

"Tell her I'm okay." Lucifer shifted when Sam wrapped an arm around his shoulders. "I'm okay." 

"Can I look at your shoulder?" Castiel asked softly, standing up. Lucifer nodded, letting Castiel carefully push his t-shirt sleeve up. Castiel hissed at the still forming bruise. Balthazar tilted his head to look and visibly flinched. Lucifer wanted nothing more than to disappear into Sam's arms, but he forced himself to stay seated. Sam had removed his arm and was now gently holding his hand.

"Your shoulder isn't dislocated, but he grabbed you hard." Castiel sounded livid. Lucifer flinched even though he knew it wasn't at him. Castiel instantly softened his tone.

"If you want to press charges, Balthazar and I will not try and talk you out of it. We will stand behind you; you did nothing to deserve this." 

"But..." 

"Michael may be our brother, but you don't deserve to pay for the past any longer. You've suffered enough." Balthazar interjected. Lucifer's head snapped up, shock on his face. 

"But..." Balthazar held up a hand to silence him. 

"We are well aware of what happened between you and Michael. I think you've learned from your mistakes and have moved on with your life to the best of your ability. He needs to leave you alone and do the same." 

"This is my fault. If I hadn't confronted Michael about what happened..." Sam started. 

"No, Sam, don't." Lucifer pulled his hand free. "I didn't need to tell you what happened. You were only trying to defend me, because that's how noble you are. This is my fault." 

"It's no one's fault." Castiel interupted both of them. "It was all said and done three weeks ago. Michael should've just left you alone. Now, would you like to press charges?" 

"I want Hannah and her unborn child safe. I'd rather he came after me than her." 

"She's as safe as she can be for right now. We don't necessarily want to watch our brother go to jail, as he is our brother, but the two of you- yes, both you AND Hannah - deserve to be safe from his wrath." Castiel said, gently laying a hand on Lucifer's shoulder as he avoided the bruise. "Hannah said he stopped taking his medicine..." 

"He was on medicine?" Lucifer said, eyes snapping to Castiel's face now. 

"Yes, he's bi-polar. It keeps his...Lucifer?" Castiel moved his hand from Lucifer's shoulder as he crouched beside him. Sam touched Lucifer's cheek with his hand. Even Balthazar came around the table to rest a hand on Castiel's shoulder. 

"I didn't know him at all," Lucifer whispered. "I ruined his life by loving him, and I never really knew him at all."


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Have some smut.

"I'm going to take Balthazar back to his office and take some lunch to Dean... I'll be back in about an hour, maybe an hour and a half," Castiel said, picking up his car keys. Balthazar had already gone outside, murmuring a soft goodbye as he left. 

"Okay," Sam said. "We'll be here." 

Castiel left, and Sam and Lucifer were alone at the table. Lucifer stared silently at his lap, refusing to look at Sam. 

"Luce..." Sam reached for him. 

"Can I get a shower?" Lucifer asked softly before Sam could touch him. Sam dropped his arms. 

"Of course." Sam stood from the table, carrying their dishes to the sink. Lucifer at least took his hand this time when he offered it, letting Sam lead him upstairs. 

"Would you like some clothes?" Sam asked after he turned the shower on. Lucifer nodded slowly. Sam went to leave the bathroom. 

"Could...could you..." Lucifer started, lightly touching his shoulder. Sam turned to look at him. 

"Could...I... Never mind." Lucifer dropped his hand. 

"No, Luci, what?" Sam wanted so badly to hug him, but didn't want to push it. Lucifer just shook his head again, turning away. 

"Luce..." Sam took a step after him, gently grabbing his shoulder. "You can ask me anything." He slowly turned Lucifer to face him. 

"Can I borrow some clothes?" Lucifer finally mumbled. Sam's heart sank; he knew that that wasn't really what Lucifer had wanted to ask. He played along, however. 

"You don't even have to ask." Sam leaned down to kiss his cheek. Lucifer looked up at him, a small smile forming for a moment. He turned away and began to take off his- well, Sam's- shirt. 

Sam left him alone. 

~X.x.X~ 

"Sam?" Sam turned away from his desk at the sound of Lucifer's voice. Lucifer stood in the doorway, looking small in Sam's clothes. 

"What's up?" He crossed the room to him. Lucifer was holding his towel in his hand. 

"Where do I...?" Sam took it from him and added it to his own laundry pile. 

"I'll wash it with my clothes later." Lucifer was still looking at him funny. 

"What's wrong?" Sam let his hands rest on Lucifer's hips. Lucifer didn't pull away. Lucifer continued to look at him. Sam looked right back. Lucifer slowly lifted his hands to hold Sam's face. 

"Can I..." Lucifer's eyes darted towards his lips before meeting his own again. 

"You don't have to ask," Sam murmured. Lucifer slowly leaned up and kissed him. Sam kissed him back gently, bringing one hand up to rest on his lower back. 

Lucifer nudged him backwards until his legs hit the edge of the bed. Sam let himself fall, pulling Lucifer down with him. Their mouths molded together again, Sam's hands slipping under Lucifer's shirt and Lucifer's hands working their way into his hair. 

"Are you...are you sure?" Sam whispered against his lips. Lucifer nodded, trying to kiss him again. Sam stopped him gently and Lucifer's face crumpled. 

"I don't want you to feel like you have to do this," Sam whispered. "It isn't because I don't want you. I want you so badly." Sam kissed below his ear. "I don't want you to end up feeling like I took advantage of you. You've been through a lot in the last twenty four hours." Lucifer was relaxing now, looking at Sam with a small smile on his face. 

"I understand if you don't want to." Lucifer shifted into a sitting position. Sam sat up with him. 

"I want you to be sure," Sam said softly. "I will do anything you want as long as you know that you won't regret it." 

"I'm sure," Lucifer whispered. "I could never regret you." Sam let Lucifer kiss him this time and allowed Lucifer to move them around until Sam was resting between his legs and Lucifer was on his back. 

"Like this?" Sam whispered, breaking the kiss to press kisses to his neck. Lucifer moaned softly, his fingers twisting in Sam's hair again. Sam nudged his hips forward enough to give Lucifer some form of friction, and Lucifer tossed his head back, his hips arching off the bed to meet Sam's. 

"Please," Lucifer's eyes were wild. "Please." Lucifer crushed his mouth to Sam's again, clumsily tugging Sam's shirt up toward his shoulders. Sam raised himself onto his knees to finishing taking off his shirt, but Lucifer stopped him. 

"Let me," Lucifer whispered. He pulled his legs back until he could kneel facing Sam. He finished pulling Sam's shirt off before leaning forward to kiss him again. Sam only broke it to pull Lucifer's off too. Lucifer undid the strings on Sam's sweats, pushing them and his boxers down to his knees. Sam pushed them the rest of the way off with his feet as Lucifer began to press kisses to his neck, occasionally nipping gently. Sam did the same to Lucifer before pulling him closer until their bodies were pressed together. 

"Good?" Sam whispered. Lucifer nodded, kissing him again. 

"What do you want?" Sam asked, running his fingers over Lucifer's lower back. Lucifer lay down the way he had been laying before, pulling Sam down to rest against him. 

"Like this," Lucifer murmured. He kissed Sam again, this one more tender and less frantic.

"Do you want to move so you can lay against the pillows?" Sam asked, running a hand up and down Lucifer's thigh. Lucifer considered this for a moment before nodding. 

"Blankets?" This time a head shake. Sam moved from his spot between Lucifer's legs so Lucifer could move and Sam could grab the lube and a condom. Instead of settling between Lucifer's legs again, he lay beside him, pulling his leg up over his hip. Lucifer looked confused and a little hurt. 

"Feels better for this part." Sam held up the bottle between his fingertips. "I don't want you to be uncomfortable." Lucifer relaxed then, letting Sam kiss him. Sam uncapped the bottle and put some on his finger tips before carefully working Lucifer open. Lucifer made soft noises into Sam's mouth, his nails digging into Sam's hip. Sam waited until Lucifer was rocking against his fingers before removing them and slowly turning Lucifer onto his back again. Lucifer took the condom packet from him, clumsily opening it and rolling it on to Sam. Sam leaned down to kiss him, settling between his legs. Lucifer's fingers slid into his hair again as he pressed his face into Sam's neck. A low noise came from the back of his throat as Sam gently pushed in. He turned his head until he found Sam's mouth again, breathy noises coming through his parted lips. 

"Okay?" Sam murmured, resting his weight on his elbows and knees. Lucifer nodded, hitching his legs around Sam's hips. 

"Yeah," he breathed, cupping Sam's face in his hands. Sam pressed soft kisses to his lips as he slowly rolled his hips forward. Lucifer moaned into the kisses, nudging his hips up to meet Sam's. They kept this pace for a minute or two before Sam nudged his hips forward a little harder. Lucifer made a small noise, hands moving to twist in Sam's hair for a moment before slipping down his back. 

"Feel good?" Sam breathed. Lucifer nodded, but moved his hands to push gently on his shoulder. Sam stopped instantly. 

"No, don't stop. Roll over." Lucifer grumbled, pushing at his shoulder again. Sam complied, rolling them over so he was on his back and Lucifer was straddling his lap. Lucifer rested both hands on Sam's stomach before rolling his hips. It was Sam who threw his head back this time, a low moan rising in the back of his throat. Sam rolled his hips up in time to Lucifer's movements, occasionally pulling him down for a kiss. Lucifer's moans got louder as the pace picked up, moving his hands from Sam's stomach to grip the headboard instead. Sam gripped his hips, slamming his own upward to meet Luicifer's. 

"Fuck...just like that... Don't stop, holy..." Lucifer threw his head back, and Sam was rolling them again, yanking Lucifer's legs over his shoulders and pounding into him hard and fast. 

"Sam, Sam, please...don't stop, don't stop..." Lucifer gasped out. His fingers gripped Sam's wrists where his hands gripped the sheets. Sam was practically growling under his breath as he moved one hand from the sheets to wrap around Lucifer's cock. Sam jerked him almost as hard and fast as he was slamming into him. 

"Sam, Sam, Sam, fuck, fuck, fuck-" Lucifer's head went back, and he came with a hoarse shout, fingers digging into Sam's arms. Sam pulled his legs down around his waist again, leaning down to kiss him as his thrusts became clumsier and more eratic. 

"Cum for me..." Lucifer breathed into his ear. Sam came at those words, muffling a cry of his name into his throat. Lucifer's fingers were running through his hair, his own breath coming out in gasps. Sam slowly raised his head to kiss him again, relaxing a little when Lucifer pulled him in for more when he went to move away. 

"I'm okay," Lucifer murmured against his lips. "I'm very much okay." 

"I had every intention of being gentle with you..." Sam laughed a little. 

"I think we both needed it like this," Lucifer laughed a little too. "Though it was much appreciated while I adjusted." 

"Let me clean you up." Sam got off the bed, carefully slipping the condom off and tying it before tossing it in the trash can. He picked up the still damp towel from Lucifer's shower up off the floor and carefully wiped down Lucifer's stomach. He wiped off his own before tossing the towel back on the floor and curling up beside Lucifer. Lucifer rolled to face him, snuggling into his arms as soon as Sam opened them. 

"W'time is it?" Lucifer mumbled, his nose pressed to Sam's collar bone. 

"Dunno..." Sam looked over his shoulder. "Little after one. Cas has only been gone half an hour." 

"That's it?" Lucifer asked, snuggling closer. "Guess we have twenty minutes before we should put clothes on." Sam laughed quietly at him and was rewarded with a smile against his skin. 

"Any suggestions?" Sam ran his fingers up and down Lucifer's back, stopping just above Lucifer's ass. Lucifer hummed, turning to press his cheek against Sam's chest instead. 

"That feels nice," Lucifer breathed. Sam smiled and continued to run his finger tips up and down Lucifer's bare skin, shifting them so he could use both hands. Lucifer practically melted at the touch. 

Sam noticed that the bruise on Lucifer's shoulder was turning an even angrier shade of purple, and mentally cursed himself for not considering what damage he could've done. 

"Your shoulder... Did I hurt you?" 

"No," Lucifer mumbled sleepily, "You didn' touch it."

"Are you sure? It looks worse." Sam very carefully ran his fingertips over it. Lucifer jerked a little, but made no sound.

"Did I hurt you? I'm sorry." 

"No, it tickled." Lucifer pushed himself into a half kneeling half sitting position to look at the bruise. "I've had worse." 

"That isn't making me feel better," Sam sighed. Lucifer frowned and returned to his position curled up against Sam's side, laying his head on his shoulder. They lay in silence for a few minutes.

"Can we watch a movie?" Lucifer finally asked quietly. Sam nodded and handed him his discarded clothes before grabbing his own as he got off the bed. Lucifer surprised him by hugging him from behind when he finished getting dressed. 

"I'm okay, Sam," Lucifer mumbled against his shoulder. 

"Do you promise?" Sam turned to face him. 

"I promise." Lucifer said, meeting Sam's eyes. Sam held his gaze before nodding once and pressing a kiss to the corner of his mouth. 

"You can pick a movie," Sam told him. Lucifer smiled at him and took his hand instead. 

"Okay." 

~X.x.X~

Castiel had taken much longer than he had intended. Balthazar had kept him talking and Dean had wanted him to stay his entire lunch break. He wasn't sure what he was about to find inside the house. 

He considered knocking first, even though it was technically his own house, but when he could hear Harry Potter playing on the television through the screendoor, he figured he was probably safe.

He was. 

Sam was conked out with his head on Lucifer's lap. Lucifer was playing with his hair absentmindly, eyes on the screen. 

"How long has he been asleep?" Castiel asked softly, making his presence known. Lucifer looked up, jumping slightly. Castiel murmured an apology before Lucifer answered. 

"Not long. He was nodding off for awhile before I talked him into laying down and dropping the tough guy act. I know he didn't sleep more than an hour last night." Lucifer's glace at Sam was fond though. Sam stirred awake at the sound of their voices, pushing himself up into a sitting position. His hair was going everywhere and he looked childlike as he glared at each of them in turn.

"You were gone for longer than an hour," Sam grumbled at Castiel. 

"Thank your brother for that one." Sam shuddered.

"That's not what I meant!" Castiel protested. Lucifer looked like he was desperately trying not to laugh, and Sam looked disgusted. "Do I even want to know what the two of you got up to as soon as I left?" Castiel could play this game, he was dating Dean Winchester after all. Sam went scarlet and Lucifer looked like he didn't know if he wanted to laugh or cry.

Castiel just grinned wickedly before leaving the room.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Takes place about a week and a half after the last chapter. 
> 
> Fighting, make up sex, explanations...
> 
> That's literally it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I literally have no excuses for why it took me so long to update this (actually, I do, I just don't know how good they are.) Thank you to the sweet reviewer who brought my attention back to this story again ( I hadn't abandoned it, but updating it did take a back burner on the priority list.) 
> 
> This is what I came up with, I hope that it (sort of) makes up for the long wait. 
> 
> (And if you're tired of smut, I'm sorry, but... actually, no, I'm not.) 
> 
> If you'd like to know what the inspiration was behind this chapter, it was the song Bad Things by MGK ft Camila Cabello (if you don't know it already, I'll be surprised.) And honestly, I know that I started writing this story before that song was even created, but it fits Lucifer and Sam so well. 
> 
> I don't know how many chapters are left, it could be a few, I could drag it out. I'll decide as I go. 
> 
> Alright, I'll shut up. I hope you enjoy it (and if you don't, please pretend? Just kidding, you can give me shit.)

The first fight Sam and Lucifer had felt like the worst that Sam had ever had in his life with someone who wasn’t family, unless Michael throwing a bottle at the back of his head counted. He didn’t even know _why_ Lucifer was so angry when he got home from his first day back at work since the…incident.

“Are you going to tell me what’s going on?” Sam asked for what felt like the fifth time, leaning against the recliner with his arms crossed. Lucifer’s stony expression didn’t change as he stared at the television, refusing to answer. “Or ignore me, I guess that’s cool too.”

“Would you just stop?” Lucifer finally snapped, turning the glare on him. The anger hit Sam before the hurt.

“Look, I’m sorry you had a bad day, but maybe if you talked about it-“

“How many times are you going to ask before it gets through your head that I _don’t_ want to talk about it?” Lucifer was still glaring at him. The hurt hit next, but the anger overrode it.

“Fine, I won’t ask anymore, but I would appreciate it if you would quit taking it out on me.”

“I’m not taking anything out on you.”

“That’s the funniest thing you’ve said all day,” Sam turned on his heel, heading toward the kitchen to start dinner. “Honestly, I can’t stop laughing.”

“I don’t need this from you!” Lucifer followed him, which caught him off guard. “I thought you would make it better, instead all you’re doing is making it worse!”

“How am I making it worse?!” Sam shouted, whirling around to face him. “I am _trying_ to make it better, but you’re just a being a fucking dick about it!”

“I told you I didn’t want to talk about it!”

“Then what am I _supposed to do_?!” Sam screamed. “What am I supposed to do, Lucifer? Stand there and let you use me as your verbal punching bag?! Because I don’t need that from _you_.”

“Are you sure that I’m the one being ‘a fucking dick’ as you ever so nicely put it?!” Lucifer shouted back. ‘Heaven forbid I don’t want to talk about something, I forgot that I have to tell you everything that happens in my life now.”

“Sorry that I’m nothing more than a fuck buddy to you, apparently, everything you ever told me was absolute bullshit.” Sam felt like he had been punched in the gut.

“I never said that!” Lucifer was still shouting, but Sam just felt hollow, turning away from him and moving to grab his coat of the rack. He didn’t register what Lucifer said next, just that he was grabbing his wrist and Sam barely had “let go” out of his mouth when Lucifer was kissing him with all he had, hands coming up to grip his face. Sam froze, making Lucifer pull away for a moment before crushing his mouth against his. 

He didn’t register anything else until his back hit the bed and Lucifer was pinning him down, settling himself between his legs before practically attacking his throat with his mouth. Sam twisted a hand in his hair, a weak moan falling from his lips as he arched into Lucifer’s hands. It took him a moment for realize that Lucifer was talking to him.

“You’re fucking everything to me,” Lucifer was practically growling, gently biting at the sensitive parts of his throat, “Everything.” Sam was tugging him back up so he could kiss him, hands slipping to grab at his ass as soon as Lucifer’s mouth was against his again. Lucifer groaned into his mouth, hips shoving forward to meet his almost desperately.

“Please,” Sam finally pulled away to breathe, “please…” He tugged Lucifer’s shirt out of his jeans nudging at him to lean back so he could yank it over his head.

“Please what?” Lucifer’s voice was wrecked as he pulled Sam into a sitting position to tug of his shirt next.

“I need…” Sam fumbled with the button of his jeans before pushing them down over Lucifer’s ass with his boxers as he lifted his own hips for Lucifer to tug his down. He never finished his sentence. Lucifer’s mouth was claiming his again as soon as they were both naked, running his hands everywhere he could reach.

“’M sorry,” Lucifer was mumbling against his lips. “So…ah…” Sam had his hand loosely wrapped around both of their cocks, jerking slowly as their hips slowly moved together. He dropped his face to Sam’s neck, kissing the hollow of his throat before gently nudging his hip.

“You’re everything to me,” Lucifer mumbled again as he moved away to dig in the nightstand drawer. “You’ve always been more than this to me.” Sam didn’t speak, instead turning his head to find Lucifer’s mouth again, letting Lucifer pull him against him as he lay down behind him. He reached a hand back to thread his fingers in Lucifer’s hair as Lucifer pulled his leg back over his hip.

“Please…” Sam breathed as Lucifer pushed a finger into him. “I need you…I need…” Lucifer mouthed at his jaw, pushing in a second finger. Sam arched into the touch, a desperate moan falling from his lips. He turned his head to clumsily kiss Lucifer again, rocking gently on his fingers. All coherent thought was gone from his mind.

“Does that feel good?” Lucifer breathed in his ear. Sam whined, rocking faster against his fingers. “Want me to make it even better?” Sam barely managed to nod before Lucifer was pushing into him slowly, giving him time to adjust before nudging his hips a little harder and bottoming out. Sam moaned, turning his face into the pillow to try and quiet the sound.

“No, I want to hear you,” Lucifer breathed, slowly beginning to move his hips. “I want to hear what I do to you. God, Sam, I l…” He never finished his sentence, a moan interrupting him as Sam began to push his hips backwards to meet his thrusts.

“Fuck…can I…?” Lucifer nudged him forward. Sam complied, rolling onto his stomach. Lucifer pulled out long enough to pull him into a kneeling position before he was slamming back in. Sam gasped, letting his head fall forward as he twisted both hands into the sheets. Lucifer’s grip on his hip was hard enough to leave bruises as he pounded into him, trying not to lose control. Sam fell forward at a particularly hard thrust, his arms giving out and his face smashing into the pillows. He gripped the sheets tighter, broken moans and sighs fall from his lips. Lucifer paused long enough to grab Sam’s wrists and hold them against his back, the other hand resting just below the bottom of his neck. He pulled out slowly, almost torturously slow, before slamming back in.

“Fuck!” Sam almost shouted. Lucifer repeated the movement, low groans coming from deep in his chest. Sam couldn’t hold the sounds back anymore, shoving his hips backwards to meet Lucifer’s when he began to lose control again. Sam’s legs went out from under him before he even realized what was happening, and Lucifer’s body was pressing his into the bed, kisses much sweeter than how hard he was thrusting into him being pressed to the back of his neck. Sam turned his head to see Lucifer’s fingers knotted in the sheets right beside his head. He pressed weak kisses against Lucifer’s wrist, unable to do much more than lay there and take it.

“Like that?” He could barely register Lucifer hissing in his ear. Sam moaned in response and received a kiss in return, this one rougher than the ones from before.

“Harder…” Sam hissed back against his lips. “I know you can fuck me harder than that.” The hard slap to his ass made him gasp, his body arching in response.

“Oh, baby, I’ll make you fucking _scream_.” Lucifer growled. His weight was gone for a second, only for his hands to grip Sam’s shoulders another second later and his hips snapping so hard that Sam’s entire body felt like it was slamming into the mattress with every thrust.

“Yes, yes, please, please…” The words fell from Sam’s lips no matter how hard he tried to be quiet. “So good, so...” He eventually trailed off into nothing but loud moans, the sound of them mixing with the sound of skin on skin and the headboard slamming into the wall. Sam felt the familiar build rising in his lower belly. He could hear Lucifer’s own moans getting louder, his grip fumbling on Sam’s shoulders and his hips beginning to stutter.

“Wait…” Sam barely gasped. “Wait.” He felt Lucifer struggle to stop.

“Am I hurting you?” He could tell it was taking every ounce of control Lucifer had to hold still, and his voice was strained.

“Wanna see you,” Sam breathed. “Wanna kiss you.” He whimpered at the loss of Lucifer pulling out of him, especially when he was so close, but as soon as Sam was on his back, Lucifer was slamming into him and his legs were around Lucifer’s hips. Sam wrapped his arms around Lucifer’s shoulders as Lucifer picked up the punishing pace again. It almost felt better this way, their mouths crashing together and moans mixing. Lucifer wrapped a hand around his cock, barely holding his weight up with his elbow as he continued pounding into him. Sam unwound one arm from his shoulders to wrap his fingers around Lucifer’s as he jerked him almost as fast as he was thrusting into him. Sam’s moans got louder as the fluttering in his belly got faster again. Lucifer noticed, his thrusts getting harder if it was even possible.

Sam couldn’t hold back the scream as his vision went white. His hands came back before he could stop them to dig his nails into Lucifer’s back, his scream cutting off and low moans coming from him instead. Lucifer collapsed against him with a hoarse shout, pressing his face into his neck as he trembled against him. Sam stopped shaking only moments before Lucifer did, running his hands up and down his back and kissing the side of his head. Lucifer raised his head enough to kiss him, both of them gasping for breath into each other’s mouths.

“Everything…” Lucifer panted into his mouth. “You’re my everything.” Sam tangled his hands in his hair, humming softly as the kisses got slower and deeper. He whimpered softly when Lucifer pulled out of him and crawled away to tie of the condom and throw it away. Sam curled into him as soon as he was back, not even protesting when Lucifer wiped off both of their stomachs off with the sheets.

“I’m sorry,” Lucifer was murmuring. His fingers traced circles into Sam’s shoulder.

“I think it’s safe to say that you’re forgiven,” Sam tilted his head up to kiss him. Lucifer moved his hand to cradle Sam’s cheek, the innocent kiss turning into a not so innocent make out session.

“You know you’re more than that to me though, don’t you?” Lucifer whispered after they broke apart.

“I know.” Sam laced their fingers together, rolling to nuzzles his jaw with his nose. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”

“I don’t want you to feel like that’s all you mean to me.” Lucifer was playing with his hair now.

“I was angry. I didn’t mean it.” Sam propped himself up to look at him, letting go of his hand to trace patterns into it. “You’re my everything, too.” He was rewarded with a small smile, and Sam pressed another kiss to his cheek.

“I don’t ever want to fight with you again,” Lucifer finally mumbled, not looking at him.

“I don’t know, I’d say that sex was pretty great.” Sam said lightly. Lucifer laughed a little, which is what Sam was aiming for, turning his head to look at him again.

“How about we have the great sex without the fighting?” Lucifer ran a hand down to squeeze his ass although they were both too sensitive and worn out to do anything more. “Did I hurt you?”

“Nope.” Sam dropped another kiss to his cheek. “I know you were holding back, but your control was starting to slip toward the end.”

“Took every ounce of my control to _not_ lose control.” Lucifer murmured.

“What if I want you to lose control with me?” Sam murmured, leaning down to kiss him again.

“We’ll break something,” Lucifer laughed against his mouth. “I’ll break _you_.”

“We won’t know unless we try,” Sam murmured before deepening the kiss. Lucifer laughed again before rolling them to press Sam into the mattress once more, kissing him with everything he had.

~X.x.X~

“Babe?” Lucifer murmured against his shoulder. “You awake?”

“Mmmm,” Sam turned his head to look at him, blinking his eyes open. Lucifer reached up to brush his thumb across his cheek, pressing a kiss to his chin. Sam smiled sleepily at him, squeezing his hand which had been holding his for the last hour. “Am now.” He tilted his head down to kiss him before rolling onto his side to snake an arm around his waist. “What’s wrong?”

Lucifer curled into the embrace, rolling onto his side and snaking an arm around Sam’s waist in return. “I’m still sorry.”

“You don’t need to be,” Sam hugged him tighter. “I’m not mad at you.”

“I was so _mean_ ,” Lucifer whispered. “You looked like I had ripped your heart out and stepped on it.”

“People fight sometimes, Luce. It’s okay. I know you didn’t mean it.” Lucifer didn’t answer, instead curling into him even more.

“I just don’t want to fuck this up. I don’t want to lose you.” Lucifer finally said. Sam held him even closer if it was possible, kissing the top of his head when he felt wetness against his neck. “I don’t want to ruin this.”

“You won’t lose me,” Sam murmured, pulling away enough to tilt Lucifer’s head up. “You won’t ruin anything.” He pressed a soft kiss to the corner of his mouth. “You won’t fuck this up.” Sam kissed him for real this time. Lucifer hummed into the kiss softly before breaking it.

“I don’t know why this first day back screwed me up so badly,” Lucifer mumbled. Sam began to run his fingers up and down his back, smiling a little as Lucifer leaned into the touch. “I just kept messing up, and it’s not like I wanted to make a big deal out of anything even though obviously everybody _knows_ what happened so I couldn’t make any excuses for why I kept jumping every time the bell over the door clanged. I dropped three trays of drinks within one hour, I screwed up an order for a large party and they were so angry that Ellen almost got involved trying to defend me. I feel awful about Hannah being all alone and trying to figure out what to do about everything. I feel awful about the whole thing with Michael in the first place; I thought it was over,” Lucifer’s breathing hitched. “And now I’m taking it out on you and I’m so _sorry_ …” He broke completely then, hiding his face in Sam’s neck once more.

“Take it out on me if you have to. I understand, Luci. All you had to do was tell me in the first place, babe.” Sam hushed him, kissing his head.

“I don’t want to take it out on you,” Lucifer said, “I was just so angry and you were there…”

“I know, baby,” Sam hushed him again, “It’s okay.” He played with his hair until Lucifer fell asleep, his face pressed into the crook of Sam’s neck.

“It’s okay,” Sam whispered once more before letting Lucifer’s breathing lull him to sleep.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam starts working at the bar.
> 
> He has a realization. 
> 
> Sam makes really dumb decisions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry. 
> 
> \------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
> 
> I Don't Wanna Live Forever - ZAYN ft Taylor Swift (Both)  
> Tell Me - David Archuleta (Lucifer)  
> Help - Hurts (Sam)
> 
> (these sort of fit okay)  
> (if it helps, I bawled my eyes out.)  
> (I really am sorry.)

“If I go check on Hannah today, will that help?” Sam asked, wrapping his arms around Lucifer’s waist from behind when he finished getting dressed for work. Lucifer turned to face him, wrapping his arms around Sam’s neck and being careful to avoid the small bruises he had left the night before.

“…yeah,” Lucifer finally admitted. He leaned up to kiss Sam’s cheek. “Are you sure I didn’t hurt you?” He brushed a thumb over a bruise on Sam’s collarbone. Sam shivered, but it wasn’t from pain. Lucifer smiled a little. “I guess you don’t have to answer that.”

“I would have said something if you were hurting me,” Sam reminded him, running his hands up and down Lucifer’s back. “You know that.” Lucifer huffed at him, but his smile widened. Sam stole another kiss and dropped his hands down to squeeze Lucifer’s ass briefly before moving them back up to his hips. Lucifer made a hot little noise into his mouth that Sam was _definitely_ going to be replaying in his head throughout the rest of the day. He didn’t resist the urge to push Lucifer up against the closet door though, kissing him thoroughly before Lucifer finally pushed him away with a soft laugh.

“I can’t be late for work,” Lucifer scolded, pecking Sam’s cheek as he walked by.

“I mean, you _could_ be,” Sam corrected, opening the dresser drawer that had somehow become his and pulling out clothes.

“Okay, smartass, I shouldn’t be late for work. I think Ellen would frown upon that.” Lucifer said on the edge of the bed, eyes drinking in the sight of his bare chest before Sam covered it up with a plain black shirt.

“Is it raining again?” Sam asked, turning his back to Lucifer as he changed into a pair of jeans. He heard Lucifer make a little noise behind him, and he glanced over his shoulder at him with a confused expression.

“Why did the universe have to give me a significant other with a perfect fucking body?” Lucifer grumbled under his breath. Sam just laughed at him. Neither were sure when referring to each other as “significant other” became a thing, but they didn’t bother to correct each other.

“Sorry, babe. Check the weather, please,” Sam said, sticking his tongue out at him. Lucifer did as he was told, peeking out the blinds.

“Pouring, again.”

“Great. Drop me off? I’ll see if she needs help before opening.”

“Yep.”

~X.x.X~

“Sam!” Hannah sounded happier to see him than Sam figured she would, coming out from the kitchen to throw her arms around him. “You’re soaked! You didn’t walk here, did you?”

“Actually, I was dropped off out front.” He squeezed her gently. “How are you? The little one?”

“Well, I’m stressed out of my mind, but the little peanut is doing just fine.” Hannah rubbed her belly, beaming down toward it. She was so thin that she was already showing a little. “Twelve weeks down, twenty eight to go!”

“Need any help?”

“You have no idea. Jo and Ellen keep taking turns coming over and trying to help, but they can only do so much with the diner. Balthazar and Castiel try to help when it comes to carrying things, but neither of them know how to bartend and or cook and that’s what I need.”

“I can bartend. Whenever. Just tell me.”

“Can you start as soon as tonight?”

“Do you need me tonight?”

“Yes.”

“Then I’m there. But how can I help you right now?”

“How do you feel about cleaning?”

~X.x.X~

Sam would forever be thankful that he used to bartend when he was an undergrad. It was one of the busiest Thursday nights that he had ever seen, and Hannah seemed to agree with him as she periodically came out from the kitchen to check on him.

“Hey handsome,” Sam looked up to see Lucifer leaning on the bar in front of him, smiling. “What could I do to get your number?”

“Hey babe,” Sam laughed, “what can I get you?”

“Your number,” Lucifer said again. Sam laughed again and turned to the cooler.

“How about a drink instead?”

“I guess that’ll have to do. Water, please.” Sam brushed a discreet kiss across his cheek before sitting a water down in front of him. “My brother is coming to meet me here for dinner, apparently. I see that you got roped into bartending?”

“She needs the help; she doesn’t have anyone. Guess we’ll have to get used to that,” Sam said, smiling wryly at him.

“I’ll leave the car for you and make Gabriel drop me off- it’s still raining.”

“Sounds good.”

“Get back to work, hot stuff. I’m missing the good view I had of you bending over in those jeans,” Lucifer winked at him. Sam laughed again before turning to the patrons who had just come in.

Sam didn’t get the chance to talk to him or his brother again except to take their order and place drinks in front of them, but damn straight he made sure to lean across the bar to give Lucifer a kiss goodbye before he and his brother left.

~X.x.X~

_Sam’s fingers slipped down Lucifer’s back, his head thrown back as a loud gasp fell from his lips. Lucifer’s mouth was warm on his throat, his hips rolling slowly as he thrusted in and out. Sam moved his hands back up to twist in Lucifer’s hair and pull him up for a kiss, rolling his hips up to meet his._

_“Luce…so good…so…” Sam mumbled against his mouth. Lucifer groaned, leaning his forehead against Sam’s as he began moving his hips faster, but keeping his thrusts gentle._

_“Sam…ah…”_

_“I love you….oh God, Lucifer, I love you…”_

Sam sat up in bed with a gasp, the movement jerking awake Lucifer. Sam didn’t realize how bad he was shaking until Lucifer touched his hand.

“Sam? Baby, what’s wrong?” Lucifer’s voice was thick with sleep.

“Nothing…nothing…” Sam mumbled, running his hands through his hair. “I’m fine.”

“Sam…” Lucifer’s voice was filled with worry. “Baby…you aren’t fine.”

“I’m fine,” Sam insisted, his voice cracking, “I’m fine.”

“You’re crying,” Lucifer said softly, reaching up to brush the tears of his cheeks. Sam didn’t say anything, trying to force his breathing to calm down.

Sam told himself he wouldn’t ever love anybody after Jess. Bad things always happened to the people that he loved.

“I have to go…” Sam mumbled, getting out of bed. Lucifer couldn’t get hurt if he left, right?

“…what? Sam, it’s five in the morning.”

“I have to go,” Sam said again, getting out of bed and going to “his” drawer to dig out his clothes. “I can’t stay.”

“Sam, you aren’t making any sense,” Lucifer’s voice became filled with panic. “What are you talking about? You don’t have to go anywhere, it’s five in the morning. Stay, okay? Just stay until it gets a little later and I’ll call Dean.”

“I can’t stay. I can’t….” Sam couldn’t look at him. “I can’t do this anymore.”

“…what?” Lucifer sounded like Sam had punched him in the gut. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“I just can’t do this anymore, Lucifer. I can’t pretend to be somebody I’m not. I tried to convince myself that this would work, that I could feel something, but I can’t. I don’t.”

“You aren’t making any sense,” Lucifer repeated again, “You don’t mean that. You can’t mean that.”

“I mean it.” Sam kept his gaze straight ahead as he tugged on his clothes. Lucifer grabbed him by the arm and whirled him around.

“No, you don’t,” Lucifer’s breathing hitched. “Don’t do this. I don’t understand what’s going on, but I’ll fix it. I’ll fix this. Just don’t leave me, please don’t leave me.”

“I’m sorry,” Sam whispered, tugging his arm free and walking by him.

“Don’t…please, don’t,” Lucifer broke. Sam kept walking. Lucifer followed him, making repeated attempts to grab his arm.

“I’m sorry,” Sam whispered again grabbing his coat and his phone from where he left it lay on the coffee table early. “I’m so sorry.”

He didn’t expect Lucifer to grab his face and kiss him. It took all his will power not to kiss him back. Lucifer had his hands twisted in his shirt, his entire body heaving from his sobs.

“Don’t go… Sam, please,” Lucifer’s voice rose in pitch. Sam pried his fingers away gently, trying not to look at him before he lost the rest of his resolve.

“I love you,” Lucifer sobbed. “Sam, I love you.”

Sam lost his composure.

And ran.

~X.x.X~

“Sam? What the hell are you doing here? It’s five thirty in the fucking morning.” Dean grumbled at him from the doorway of his room, clearly half awake. Sam hadn’t been the quietest as he’d stumbled into the house. He hadn’t even made it onto his bed, instead collapsing on the floor beside it and trying to muffle his sobs into his arm. Something must have clicked in Dean’s brain then, because he was on the floor beside him and tugging his face away from his arm.

“Sammy!” Dean tugged him into a sitting position so he could look at him. “Are you hurt? Is Lucifer hurt? What happened?”

“I don’t know.” Sam was surprised Dean understood what he said at all.

“Why are you here, Sammy?” Dean asked, his voice much softer and less annoyed.

“I left.”

“Why?”

“I…I got scared.”

“…of Lucifer?”

“No.”

“What, then?”

“Myself.”

“…okay.” Dean settled into a crossed legged position in front of him. “Were you going to hurt him?”

“Bad things always happen to people that I love, Dean.”

“…Sammy, Luce isn’t Jess. That isn’t going to happen again.” Dean gently patted his knee. “It was an accident.”

“Amelia got into a car accident coming to meet me. Sarah fell down the stairs while we were arguing. Jess fucking died. I’m bad news, Dean!” Sam shouted, still not understand how Dean was making sense of what he was saying from how hard he was crying.

“Sam, I’m trying to understand where you’re coming from, I really am, but I’ve never seen you look at anyone that way. Not even Jess. All you’re doing is hurting you both and not protecting him at all.”

“What would you have done if it were you, Dean?”

“I might have left, but I would have at least told Cas why.” Dean said gently. “You left him thinking that you don’t love him at all. You should have explained yourself and why you were doing what you were doing. You should have given him a _choice._ ”

“It’s better this way.” Sam turned away from him. “Then he’ll be able to move on with his life and find someone who isn’t me.”

“Sam…” Dean reached out to touch his shoulder and Sam shook him off.

“He shouldn’t love me, Dean. He’s better off this way.” Sam turned away completely then, signaling an end to the conversation. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know how satisfied I am with this, but it was how it came out. I can however promise that there is a happy ending and that something happens to make Sam realize how stupid he was.
> 
> I also want to make it clear that Lucifer knows that Sam was lying about not feeling anything for him. He noticed that Sam wouldn't look him in the eyes. Lucifer didn't call him out on it because he knew that if he didn't get Sam's attention by confessing how he feels, there was no getting through to him at all. However, it did hurt, and Lucifer probably will have a few choice words for Sam about it once everything is out in the open.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chaos, hospitals, confessions.
> 
>  
> 
> Edit (5-2-17 @ 6:51 AM):   
> something accidentally got deleted when I was posting this. It'll be mentioned in the epilogue since people have already read this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promised you a happy ending, didn't I?
> 
> Also, I'm no expert on hospitals, or medical things in general. I used Google and the small things I've inferred from watching Chicago Med to write this. I'm sorry for any inaccuracies. 
> 
> Also, another thing, I have some ideas for a sequel or a few time stamps. If there's any interest please let me know and I'll get around to those asap.
> 
> Just the epilogue to go! It should be up soon, hopefully within two weeks (College is cramping my writing time if you couldn't tell, but I'm done soon!)
> 
> \--------------------------------  
> (does anyone actually listen to these little playlists I make?)
> 
> You Can - David Archuleta  
> Young and Beautiful - Lana Del Rey  
> Guide You Home (I Would Die For You ) - Rebecca Kneubuhl and Gabriel Mann  
> My Demons - Starset
> 
> if you're going to listen to any of these, I highly recommend listening to My Demons by Starset, either the original or the acoustic as this is the song I got the title of this story from.

It took three days before Dean started to bitch at Sam about not leaving his room unless he had to go to work. Sam politely reminded him that at least he wasn’t drinking this time, which successfully shut Dean up and got him to leave him alone. Sam resumed his position of staring at the wall, tugging the blanket over his head and hesitantly checked his phone.

L (2:49 AM): You fucking promised, you dick. You fucking _promised_ me you would never do this.

L (4:43 AM): I love you. I miss you. Please come home.

L (11:34 AM): I’m sorry, I was tired. I won’t text you again.

Sam sighed, locking his phone and tossing it away from him before shoving his face back into the pillow. It took everything in him to not text him back, to tell him the truth, to tell him how much he loved him and missed him.

He was doing the right thing, wasn’t he?

Sam was exhausted. He hadn’t slept more than four hours in the last three days and had barely touched any food that Castiel and Dean tried to force on him. Maybe Dean was right; maybe he needed to get out of his room. There was no changing what he had done now. It was for the best.

He got dressed and left a note on the kitchen table saying he was going for a walk in case he wasn’t back by the time that Castiel got home from work. He shoved his phone in his pocket and left the house before he began walking towards town. Maybe he’d see if Hannah needed any help even though he wasn’t supposed to work that day.

He felt that something was off deep in his gut, but couldn’t put a finger on it and didn’t understand why he had a bad feeling. He was trying to brush it off and ignore it when he saw the smoke.

Sam didn’t know what possessed him to start running, but he was at the edge of town within minutes and running in the direction of the smoke before he changed his mind. The closer he got, the more the bad feeling grew. He rounded the corner and stopped in his track, his blood going cold.

The diner was on fire.

And he was pretty sure Lucifer was supposed to be working.

All of his resolve on staying away from Lucifer was gone as he sprinted toward the diner, pushing through the crowd and looking for Lucifer. He saw Ellen standing beside one of the ambulances, ignoring all attempts of the paramedics to treat her burns, staring at the blaze with tears streaming down her cheeks.

“Ellen!” Sam shouted. To his surprise, she turned at his voice. She nodded at the paramedic and they came over to escort him to her. “Where’s Lucifer?” Sam’s voice cracked, reaching out to grab desperately at her hand. Ellen refused to answer him, instead turning her face away.

“No…” Sam dropped her hand. “Oh God, no…”

The diner began to collapse.

All Sam could do was scream. He was vaguely aware of Ellen pulling his face into her shoulder and hugging him tightly against her, her tears wetting his hair.

He clung to her, cries of Lucifer’s name falling from his lips, not aware the Lucifer and Benny stumbled out in time and were stumbling toward them, both struggling to hold the other up. Ellen noticed first and nudged Sam. Sam looked up as Lucifer pushed Benny toward the paramedics, leaning over to brace his hands on his knees and suck clean air into his lungs while he waited for them to come back. He went into a coughing fit instantly, hints of black in the mucus coming out of his throat. He hadn’t seen Sam.

“Go, you foolish boy. Go.” Ellen shoved him forward. Sam stumbled, but reached Lucifer right as he stood up.

“…Sam.” Lucifer breathed. His face was covered in ash and his eyes were red from the smoke. “Am I dead?” His voice was wrecked and Sam could hear his breath coming in short, quick gasps. Sam shook his head, a hysterical laugh that was mostly a sob falling from his lips, and pulled him against him as gently as he could, pressing frantic kisses to his cheeks and not caring about the ash and dirt getting into his mouth.

“What are you doing?” Lucifer sounded broken and his voice was shot, but he didn’t push Sam away. He clung to him instead, his arms curling around his neck.

“I love you, I’m sorry, I love you,” Sam sobbed, holding Lucifer’s face in his hands. “I’m so sorry, Lucifer. So, so sorry.” Lucifer’s tear filled eyes spilled over and he clung to Sam tighter. Sam lifted him easily and Lucifer wrapped both legs around his waist, allowing Sam to carry him over to the ambulance. He didn’t say anything else, but he took Sam’s hand when it was offered after Sam set him down on the back of the ambulance and didn’t let go. He gripped Sam’s hand tighter when they put a mask on his face, his eyes darting up to meet Sam’s.

“Do you want me to go with you?” Sam asked softly. A barely there nod was his answer. Sam let go of his hand long enough for the paramedics to settle him on a gurney. As soon as he was able, he laced their fingers together again. Lucifer’s eyes fluttered, a look of pain crossing his face.

“What hurts?” Sam asked, pushing his hair from his face. Lucifer’s only response was a rough cough. The paramedic pulled the mask away to wipe beside his mouth. Lucifer’s grip on Sam’s hand tightened.

“I’m here,” Sam murmured, “I’m here.”

~X.x.X~

“Lucifer has smoke inhalation. They’re keeping him for forty eight hours, he’s in getting a chest x-ray right now,” Sam murmured to Dean over the phone, sitting in the chair in the room they had put Lucifer in. He had called to explain where he was and why he wouldn’t be home anytime soon. “Then they have to do blood tests and I think a pulse oximetry test when he gets back from that. In the next twenty four hours they have to do a second chest x-ray to make sure a lung injury didn’t develop late.”

“You’re lucky he hasn’t hit you yet,” was Dean’s only comment.

“I know… at least he asked me to stay…”

“Hannah told us what you said to him.”

“…what? How does Hannah know?”

“They called Jo for Ellen, she came down and called Hannah to tell her how Ellen was and let that little piece of information slip. She also confessed that Benny asked her out when she stopped in to see him while Ellen was in for a chest x-ray.”

“…How did I see Benny and Jo coming?”

“Please, everybody saw it coming. But really, be careful, Sam. You may have told him the truth now, but you got to remember that whatever you said to him…it cut him really deep.”

“Jo let that slip, too?” Sam asked weakly.

“You’re lucky he’s showed up to work at all, Sam.” Sam heard Lucifer’s nurse talking softly, and Lucifer’s voice weakly answering.

“He’s on his way back. I’ll call you when we know something.” Sam hung up right as the nurse wheeled him in. Lucifer’s eyes instantly searched for Sam, relaxing marginally once he realized Sam hadn’t moved from where he left him. Once the nurse had him resettled in bed and his IV adjusted, Lucifer tentatively reached for Sam’s hand. Sam kissed the back of his hand and smiled softly at him. The corner of Lucifer’s mouth twitched at the gesture, his eyes softening. The nurse, Lisa, beamed at them both before sitting in the chair on his other side and preparing the needle and test tubes for Lucifer’s blood tests. Lucifer’s eyes stayed trained on Sam’s face, his breathing somewhat evened out now due to the help of the oxygen mask. Lucifer flinched at the first press of the needle though, and Sam rubbed small circles into his hand, trying not to press too hard because the skin was red and still a little swollen.

From what the doctors had told them, Lucifer’s case seemed to be pretty minor for the most part as he hadn’t had any swelling in his throat, only on his face and on his hands, but they had to do all the tests just to be on the safe side. Once Lisa was finished, she cleaned up her supplies and checked the oxygen tube attached to Lucifer’s nose. She left after informing them that the doctor would be in as soon as the results were back. Lucifer waited until she left before speaking.

“What are you doing here, Sam?” Lucifer whispered, looking away from him. “You made things perfectly clear when you left the other night.”

“I…I was being a fucking idiot. Today made me see that,” Sam said, flinching when Lucifer pulled his hand away. “I… I don’t have any excuses, Luci. I’m sorry.”

“You promised me that you wanted this forever, that you would never regret me…”

“Luce, you need to rest. You shouldn’t be talking this much…” That was definitely the wrong thing to say.

“You don’t get to leave me like you did and think everything is going to be okay and that you can tell me what to do because you said you loved me,” Lucifer raised his voice as loud as he was able to, which wasn’t very loud, but it was enough.

“I know, I’m sorry, I just….”

“Why did you do it?” Lucifer insisted. “Why did you do that to me? And I swear to God, if you say something stupid like ‘I thought I was protecting you,’ I will slit your fucking throat right here, right now, with this needle shoved in my arm.”

Sam opened his mouth, then closed it. He looked away from Lucifer.

“You fucking _idiot_. Sam Winchester, you _fucking idiot_!” Lucifer said, his voice taking a hysterical tone to it. “What the fuck were you _thinking_?!”

“I wasn’t,” Sam said weakly, “I wasn’t thinking at all, and I’m so, _so,_ sorry.”

“I can’t believe you,” Lucifer was crying now. “What could I possibly need protecting from?”

“Me.”

“Sam-“ Lucifer rose his voice a little again.

“Jess died in a fire. I loved her. My first girlfriend, Amelia, got in a car accident coming to see me before she left for college. I loved her. My girlfriend before Jess, Sarah, fell down the stairs when we were arguing. I loved her. Everyone I love seems to get hurt or die, Luci. I love you too much to watch something like that happen to you. I know it sounds stupid, but Lucifer, I was so _scared_. I love you so much and as soon as I realized it, all I knew was how scared I was and I didn’t think anything that happened the other night through. I left you because I thought I was doing the right thing. I was so desperate to make you so mad at me that you would be able to move on so you would be _safe_. If you hate me now, I understand, but I love you more than I’ve ever loved anybody. And I’m so sorry. If you’ll have me, I will spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you. I will spend every single day for the rest of our forever, no matter how long or short it is, making sure that you know I love you. I love you, Lucifer Milton. I love you with everything in me.” Lucifer stared at him, tears streaming down his cheeks.

“Come here,” Lucifer finally whispered hoarsely, reaching for him. Sam leaned over him and Lucifer pulled him down for a short, yet sweet, kiss. “It might take me awhile to trust that you won’t pull something like this again, but I… I think I understand why you did it. I’m still mad at you, but I know that you had legitimate reasons, at least to you, for why you did it. When I thought Benny and I were going to die in there…. All I could think was ‘Even if he left me, I’m glad that Sam knows that I love him.’” Lucifer’s breathing hitched. “I love you. I want forever with you, no matter how long it is. You are my everything, Sam Winchester.” Sam hugged him as best as he could.

“I’ll fix this, Luci. I’ll fix everything.”

“I know you will.” Lucifer smiled softly, tears still littering his cheeks. “You always do.” Sam squeezed on the bed with him as best as he could and Lucifer dozed off with his head on Sam’s chest while Sam carefully played with his hair, avoiding any tender spots.

“Forever, baby,” Sam murmured into his hair. Lucifer nuzzled closer, making a content noise in his sleep. Sam smiled down at him and kissed his forehead.

“I promise.”

 

 


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One more fight.
> 
> But honestly, they're both tired of fighting. 
> 
> Takes place about a week/week and a half after Chapter 13.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS IT! We have reached the end! I think I went a little over two weeks before updating, but I needed a mental health recharge after this semester, and then the SUPERNATURAL FINALE HAPPENED. (I don't want to talk about that. I know they're bringing Cas back (THANK YOU JIBCON!) but I'm still a bit bitter.) And then I had another mental health drop and well, you get the idea. But I finished it!
> 
> Thank you to everyone who has supported this story and has come along for the ride. Will probably post a timestamp or the first chapter of the sequel soon, but I should probbbbbably work on my other Samifer story a bit first. (By Chance, if you haven't read it ;) *hint hint nudge nudge* just kidding, you don't have to read it.) 
> 
> I'll post a note when I get something posted. Again, thank you SO much for your support. I'm kind of sad to see this end, but I'll come back to this AU eventually! 
> 
> xoxo   
> d 
> 
> \--------------------------------------
> 
> Playlist:
> 
> Stay - Zedd, Alessia Cara  
> My Demons - Starset (SERIOUSLY IF YOU LISTEN TO ANY OF THESE, LISTEN TO THIS ONE.)  
> The Only Hope For Me Is You - My Chemical Romance   
> Maps -Maroon 5  
> Young and Beautiful - Lana Del Rey  
> Issues - Julia Michaels   
> Ass Back Home - Gym Class Heroes ft. Neon Hitch

Sam snuck into the apartment late, he had just gotten off work, his first day back since Lucifer had come home from the hospital. It was quiet, the only light on being the lamp in the living room. The first thing Sam did was stick his head in the bedroom to check on his boyfriend, hoping that he had managed to fall asleep and stay asleep. Lucifer was sprawled on his side, fingers curled in the blankets in Sam’s side of the bed and wearing one of Sam’s shirts. His breathing was slow and even, no longer harsh like it had been when Sam had first brought him home. Sam smiled a little, slipping in to tuck the comforter around him better. Lucifer snorted softly, but didn’t wake up.

Sam went back out to hang up his coat before heading to the shower to scrub the smell of bar off his skin. He heard a soft cry as he stepped back out and hastily wrapped a towel around his waist and headed toward the bedroom. Lucifer was tossing around, whimpering softly in his sleep.

“Hey…hey, Luci, wake up…” Sam shook him gently, pressing soft kisses to his cheeks. Lucifer jerked awake, eyes darting around before landing on Sam. “I’m here, baby.” Lucifer tentatively reached out to touch his face, relaxing when his fingertips touched solid skin.

“Sorry…” Lucifer mumbled, sitting up and pulling his knees to his chest. “You can go back to your shower.”

“I was finished. It’s okay. Kind of cold in here though, I am going to get dressed.”

“Okay.” Lucifer said softly. He watched Sam as he dried himself off and put on sweatpants and a loose shirt. Sam rubbed his hair a little before tossing the towel in the basket beside the closet before climbing into bed with Lucifer, motioning for him to curl up with him. Lucifer hesitated before snuggling into Sam’s embrace, relaxing as Sam rubbed circles into his back.

“I knew you were at work…” Lucifer mumbled, “I just…” Sam tightened his hold, kissing the top of his head.

“I can ask Jo to cover for me again tomorrow night, I don’t want to push you…” Sam began.

“No! No…I need to do this,” Lucifer clung to him tighter anyways. “I know you’ll come back, I’m just…”

“Scared. Distrusting. It’s okay, love. It’s nothing I don’t deserve,” Sam sighed, trying not to flinch at the ache in his chest.

“I do trust you,” Lucifer mumbled.

“Not when it comes to coming back.”

“No, because you promised you wouldn’t leave me and you did!” Lucifer lashed out finally, yanking away from him. Sam didn’t try to stop him. They hadn’t talked about it since the hospital, but Sam had known it was coming, had known that Lucifer would finally lash out at him eventually. “Obviously, I could die any day, Sam! Isn’t it ironic that it took me almost dying for you to come back when that’s why you _left me in the first place_?!” Lucifer was yelling now. “Over some stupid idea that it would _protect_ me!? A lot of good that fucking did, because I almost fucking died anyways!”

Sam didn’t speak; he couldn’t, not when everything Lucifer was saying was true. He did sit up though, and hesitantly reached out to touch his shoulder. Lucifer yanked away, and Sam tried to ignore the increasing ache in his chest and dropped his hand.

“Do you want me to leave you alone?” Sam finally asked softly. He didn’t realize how it came out until it was too late. Lucifer turned to look at him, anger burning in his beautiful blue-grey eyes.

“I didn’t think that through.” Sam said, defeated.

“No, you didn’t.” Lucifer said harshly. “Because that’s _definitely_ what I would want right now, holy shit, Sam.” Sam felt the tears falling before he could stop them.

“I’m sorry,” He was surprised at how steady his voice sounded.

“You’re always sorry.” Lucifer sounded as defeated as Sam felt. He lay down then, his back to Sam, signaling the conversation was over. Sam lay back down, rolling over to face the opposite direction. He tried to hold the sobs threatening to burst free back, but occasionally some would slip. He pressed his face into the pillow, trying to muffle the sound. He didn’t hear Lucifer move, but as soon as Lucifer’s arm was curling around his waist, he lost it.

“Look at me, look at me…” Lucifer was murmuring in his ear. Sam shook his head weakly, pressing his face further into the pillow. “Baby, please…” All the anger was gone from his voice now. “I didn’t even think of how bad it hurt you. Sammy, look at me.” Sam finally let Lucifer tug him to face him, his chest heaving as he tried to get control of himself. Lucifer brushed tears from his face and tucked his hair behind his ears.

“No, you get to be angry with me,” Sam stumbled through the words. “I deserve it.”

“I’m being selfish. I haven’t even asked you how you handled it.”

“Because it shouldn’t _matter_!” Sam’s voice took a hysterical note to it. “What I did to you was so, _so_ stupid! I ruined everything because I’m a fucking _idiot_!”

“Stop. Sam, stop,” Lucifer continued trying to soothe him.

“No! You’re having nightmares about me _leaving you_!” Sam shrieked. His hands moved to his hair, yanking at the strands and flinching at Lucifer’s touch. “I promised you I would never leave you and I _broke_ it because I’m a fucking idiot!” Lucifer was tugging him upwards and hugging him now, and Sam struggled in his hold.

“Let go!” Sam pushed at his chest, struggling. “I don’t deserve it! I don’t deserve it!” Lucifer tightened his grip and leaned his head against the top of his, not saying anything. Sam finally sank into it, his arms twisting around Lucifer’s waist and clinging to him.

“Shh….shh…” Lucifer’s fingers ran through his hair. He was rocking him gently. “Shh…” Lucifer slowly maneuvered them so they were laying down, Sam’s head on his chest. Sam slowly cried himself to sleep, fingers tangled in his shirt and his face pressed into his neck.

~X.x.X~

Sam woke up slowly, his head aching and the bed empty. He could hear Lucifer moving around in the kitchen and wasn’t surprised to see him appear in the doorway a few seconds later, two mugs of coffee in hand.

“Morning,” Lucifer said softly. Sam refused to look at him, but sat up and mumbled a thank you when Lucifer gave him the coffee.

“Look at me.” Sam slowly lifted his head. Lucifer reached across the bed from where he sat on the edge and took his free hand in his. “I love you. I’m sorry I freaked out.”

“It’s fine,” Sam mumbled, sitting his coffee down to wipe at his eyes when they started filling up again. “I deserved it.”

“No, you didn’t.” Lucifer sat his mug down, too, and scooted across the bed to sit next to him. “You’ve been apologizing to me for over a week. I’ve forgiven you. I was just tired and scared and…”

“Stop.” Sam pulled away from him. “I don’t deserve your forgiveness. I deserved you freaking out on me. I knew it was coming, you didn’t really get to properly freak out on me when you were in the hospital.”

“Would you stop it?” Lucifer grabbed his arm and pulled him closer again. “Sam, we can’t move past it if we keep acting like this.”

“How are we supposed to move past it, Luce?!” Sam threw his free hand in the air. “How?! I left you. I promised you I wouldn’t, and I did. I can’t change that, I can’t fix it, I-“ Sam didn’t expect to be interrupted by Lucifer kissing him. It was rough, but somehow sweet. Sam was tangling his fingers into Lucifer’s hair before he could stop himself, letting Lucifer tug him onto his lap so he was straddling him. They hadn’t really kissed much since Lucifer had been released, Sam too afraid to push too far and Lucifer still dealing with breathing issues. That seemed to be out the window now, especially when Lucifer tugged Sam’s shirt over his head. Sam hesitated, gently putting a hand on Lucifer’s chest.

“What’s wrong?” Lucifer whispered, reaching a hand up to touch his face.

“Are you sure about this?” Sam whispered back, leaning his forehead against his. “I don’t want you to regret…” Lucifer put a finger to his lips.

“I could never regret you, remember?” Lucifer breathed. Sam felt a warmth in his chest, and smiled slightly before kissing Lucifer again. He didn’t stop Lucifer from rolling him onto his back, twisting his arms around Lucifer’s neck.

“I love you,” Sam murmured between kisses. “Forever.”

“And I love you,” Lucifer murmured back. “Always.”

Neither of them were perfect, and they still had some issues to work out, but they were perfect together, and that was enough.


End file.
